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Wellness

It's your choice, period

Sexual orientation is a matter of individual exploration and not of societal norms

Its your choice, period
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I am a 28-year-old female software engineer. I am happy with my life so far but there is a particular area of my life (or lack of it) that perturbs me. I have never felt sexually attracted to anyone in my life so far. My friends find this odd, strange, even bizarre. They have mocked me plenty of times. I have gone out on dates and found men who intellectually stimulated me but felt no romantic or sexual inclination whatsoever. As I am in my late twenties, my parents are bringing in the mention of marriage and this scares me since I don't know what to say to them. Please help me. Do I have some disorder?

Questioning and exploring your sexual orientation is a good idea rather than letting society decide it for you.

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction towards others, where there may be low or even absent interest in desire for sexual activity. Sexual attraction is about finding a specific person sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with him/her.

Sexuality always falls on a spectrum since it isn't a right or wrong phenomenon. Sadly, our society prescribes to many "norms" but being identified as asexual is as normal as being identified as hetero or homosexual.

Individuals with asexuality do not lack attraction altogether. They may find attraction towards others on an emotional, intellectual, platonic or even aesthetic level. Even within asexuality, there can be a spectrum, with some people experiencing no sexual attraction at all, while others experiencing a little sexual attraction.

LGBTQIA+ is a proud community of lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, queers/questioning, intersex and asexuals + allies. They strongly propagate the right information, normalising sexuality and even fighting for the rights of their community.

Another common myth about asexuality is that you may fear commitment, intimacy, had sexual abuse in the past, or suffer from depression. While these can individually be possibilities but are in no way a cause for asexuality. It's just the way someone is. No genetic or upbringing factor leads to it.

Self-love is a great love to cultivate for yourself, irrespective of how you identify. Many people will suggest that you explore or even call your preferences "wrong". Be honest to your true self and do not prescribe to what others consider ideal for you. This is not a disorder and if you are happy and comfortable with it then it needs no change whatsoever.

Send your questions to help@dreradutta.com

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