Talking Shop: The price of papad

“Grief doesn’t end, but it

changes. It is a passage,

not a place to stay. It is

not a sign of weakness,

nor lack of faith. It is just

the (real) price of love.”

—Queen Elizabeth I

I won’t go to the extent Queen Elizabeth I did, of proclaiming that when all is done and dusted, it is grief that we pay with as the price of love, but it sure does ring near-true. Think. As a species, we spend a lot of time hiding from life’s dark spots, so much in fact that we often forget that darkness cannot exist without light; it only lives in the absence of light. Simply put, grief cannot exist unless we love someone or something. But buffoonery can. And it does, as today’s idols and superstars prove time and again. That is what we will talk of this fine Monday morning.

Before digging into the nuggets and the mother lode, though, a quick word to explain why we are delving deep on papad. The other day, having made rajma and chawal, I sat down to eat and asked for a papad. From the kitchen emerged shrill vehemence that reverberated like a dagger throughout the house (I say ‘house’ because it stopped being a ‘home’ the moment the cacophony erupted). “Papad?! Where’s my solitaire? Where’s the modular kitchen? Where’s my handbag? In fact, where’s the damned casserole you promised?” Thanking my stars that the monetary value of demands was fast diminishing with each retort, I quickly ate dinner, minus the elusive papad.

All for a papad, you ask? Well, yes, for this humble food accompaniment can teach us some tough life lessons; one being that when we take things for granted, they tend to blow up in our face. Let’s see how the boom and soot are enveloping our lives, through the actions of our chosen ones out in the real world.

Media: The buffoons

An English saying goes: “Pay peanuts and you’ll get monkeys.” Well, whoever came up with that vignette didn’t know India’s mainstream media at all, for we are paying in gold asharfis and yet ending up with chimps of various shapes, sizes and hair quotient. If that sounds harsh, it is because I am trying to be so. Look at the ‘Breaking News’ on Day 1 of the largest and most expensive polls, ever, in the world’s biggest democracy: ‘Electronic Voting Machines Tested Underwater’. Really? Breaking News? I won’t even try to fathom why such crucial, sensitive and life-saving testing happened, or whose errant brainchild it was.

A new projectile in the repertoire of weaponry stockpiled by the media is on show now—pre-conception. Even before an interview begins, it is apparent that the benchmarks have already been shamelessly set and the headline of the next ‘Breaking News’ pre-decided. Questions are cleverly targeted to get the interviewee to answer as per the titillating script, so much so that it is quite excruciating to watch the chimp with the microphone do the mating dance; just to ensure the genetically-predetermined progeny. This often leads to fracas and consternation among those being interviewed. But that’s cool, for it is all on tape and could just make for another back- and heart-‘Breaking’ news.

PS 1: My apologies to the real chimps in jungles and zoological parks, for they are beautiful and extremely intelligent beings. They should watch out, though, because their yet-uncopied and heart-warming ritual of chest-thumping is at serious risk of being stolen by our media zeroes dressed in drag.

Politicians: The flippers

I can’t say much that hasn’t already been discussed threadbare, so let’s settle for an update. The near-criminal rant designed to divide people on caste and communal lines continues, as does the shameless resort to lies and untruths to win votes. The chutzpah is as palpable as the aftershocks of the damage some of these luminaries have done to our nation on fronts social, civil and economic. Some have gone to an extent that we find ourselves now pulled down on many a global ranking—freedom of expression, poverty, hunger index, religious tolerance and the right to life itself. The carnage continues.

A sad yet noteworthy mention is that even in the midst of the elections and in or outside grandiose manifestos, few are talking of the real issues that we face. There is next to no mention of unemployment or job creation, no whiff of the runaway prices of essential commodities that refuse to simmer down (even when official indices measuring them have tapered), not a whisper of Manipur or the unrest that continues there through the polling process, nor a murmur of the hapless many that wake up in the morning to the confines of iron bars in 6x6 cells. For the zeroes in this section, the only thing matter-worthy is that the ink on a billion index fingers trickles down to their personal and party tallies.

Helter-skelter voters

The people with those billion index fingers cannot be blamed for what I write next, so let’s move on to what can only be called the ‘North-East imbroglio’, seen in Phase 1 of voting. In Nagaland, six districts with over 400,000 eligible voters reported zilch turnout—that’s 0-per cent voter show-up. Election Commission officials, security forces and party volunteers preened patiently after putting in their best efforts to ensure smooth and peaceful polling, but not a soul turned up to cast the ballot. Nearby Manipur went the other oscillatory extreme, with 72.1-per cent turnout for the one Lok Sabha seat that went to polling, even when voting for this seat is scheduled over two phases.

PS 2: The Centre for Media Studies pegs the number of eligible voters in the country at 96.8 crore, with Rs 1,240 being spent on each voter, making this the most expensive election in the world, ever. Welcome to the world’s fifth-largest economy.

Other parts of India, in particular Uttar Pradesh and Bihar, saw similarly vacillating voter turnout in Phase I, prompting some to liken the low numbers to the screening of a flop movie that no one wants to watch. Others opined that the average voter is totally out of steam and not interested in the election process anymore. The reasons they cite are deep-seated and worrisome—that John and Jane are now resigned to the fact that regardless of their vote, nothing will really happen in their individual lives vide these elections. That’s a steep price to pay for our march towards becoming the world’s third-largest economy.

PS 3: I am anguished by the English language, for the dictionary has the temerity to inform me that India’s loveable papad is merely a “pappadom, nothing more than a wafer or a cracker”. In retaliation, therefore, the next time I visit McDonald’s or Domino’s, I shall ask for bun-tikki, pao-kebab, bandgobhi-vada-paan, murga-pyaaz-roti and maida-golgol. While the dumbfounded bloke at the counter scratches his head and other sensitive body parts in bewilderment, I will demand shikanji, kaala pani and chhachh. Wafer-cracker indeed.

The writer is a veteran journalist and communications specialist. He can be reached on narayanrajeev2006@gmail.com. Views expressed are personal