Remembering a ‘Friend’

Can I “be” more sad? It’s impossible to be an 80s or 90s kid and not be affected by the sudden death of American-Canadian actor, Matthew Perry. He wanted to be remembered for more than his portrayal of the sarcastic Chandler Bing on the super-duper hit sitcom, ‘Friends’, and as the reactions post his demise pour in, it shows the indelible impression left behind by him and his character on thousands of lives. Perry as Bing was iconic, his self-deprecating and sardonic humour endeared him to audiences. And while his personal life had numerous highs and lows and many battles with alcohol and drug addiction, his onscreen persona was that of a temperate, steady, reliable chap — one whose life’s drama was limited mostly to the antics of his friends.

‘Friends’ was a cult show; we grew up watching it, classmates and peers practiced emulating the lead characters in mannerisms and fashion, but most importantly, it spoke of a warm, cozy, protected feeling (almost like home) but emanating from a group of close-knit friends, rather than blood relations. Theirs was also a familiar world, quite different from the one we inhabit today. Starting in 1994, it was a time when the world was on the cusp of change and innovation. By the time Season 10 aired in 2004, we had transitioned into a more modern global order. And somewhere during this impactful decade, ‘Friends’ and its six lead characters were our constants. I often find myself going back to the world of ‘Friends’ not only for its humour but also for those lost times in our lives. And Perry via Bing became one of those reel friends to many of us who watched, rewatched, and still continue to watch the sitcom.

It’s hard to comprehend and accept a death like Perry’s. Of course, we had heard about the storms that remained within him. His candid autobiography, ‘Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing’ has frank admissions of his struggle with alcohol and drug addiction, and even narrates an incident when his colon burst due to drug misuse when he could have possibly died too. It takes courage and gumption to speak of addiction and other tragedies and embarrassments of life. It also may have been necessary for Perry to pen down his experiences. Because while it definitely sold books, it must have felt cathartic for him as well — to be able to speak about his skirmishes, victories, and failings with addiction. It was also his life-long desire to help fellow addicts; in fact, that’s what he wanted to be remembered for.

Globally, addiction has cost numerous lives and continues to do so. It destroys individuals, families, and careers, and yet spreads unstopped across locales and age-groups. I think the best tribute to Perry would be to talk about that which killed him. Addiction, deaddiction, and ways to stay sober are important discussions that are shoved under the carpet in Indian society. There is much shame surrounding addiction. Leave alone talking about it, few even want to seek help. Families are in denial, marriages fail, children are neglected — and yet we try to shroud the problem. As per the Centre’s statement to the Supreme Court last year, over 1.58 crore children in India are addicted to drugs. According to the Narcotics Control Bureau (NCB), around 10 crore people in India consume drugs; it used to be 2 crore people 15 years ago. Similarly, alcohol consumption has also been skyrocketing. As per an article in The Lancet in 2009, “...government statistics show only 21 per cent of adult men and around 2 per cent of women drink. But up to a fifth of this group—about 14 million people—are dependent drinkers requiring “help”.” As per a 2019 government survey, one in every 7 Indians in the 10-75 age group was found to be using alcohol with 5.7 crore requiring treatment for addiction. Like early adopters of everything else, India seems to be quickly enhancing its addiction levels too. And according to news reports, suicides due to drug and alcohol addiction have also tripled since 2011.

Perry’s death feels personal — you may have heard that one a lot in the last few days. It’s true as well. After all, it’s inscrutable that a reel character that was part of our lives for almost two decades would abruptly lose its real form. In a way, as only art, literature, music, and cinema/television can, Perry lives on eternally through the character of Chandler Bing. While he will keep entertaining us, his real self must be the stark reminder of how lives can come undone due to addiction.

The writer is an author and media entrepreneur. Views expressed are personal