Millennium Post

To love or not to love

To love or not to love
I have fallen in love with someone who is engaged to my friend. We also had physical relationship till a few weeks back. I love him, what should I do?
Name unknown, New Delhi

You’ve got yourself into a fine pickle. This guy appears deceitful. You know you should walk away, don’t you? It is hard, it will break your heart but you will get over it and move on. You are a lovely person and deserve better than this man. He might drop you when someone else better comes along, if he doesn’t already have others. You also will lose your friend forever if you don’t stop now. Let me know what you end up doing. All the best.

My girlfriend is a compulsive liar. I’m extremely upset. Why does she lie to me?
Rajeev Saxena, Noida

All people at some point or another, lie. White lies exist but we often substitute the word “excuses” for “white lies.” But it’s basically the same thing. On the flip-side, there are habitual liars. These people have made a habit out of lying. Anyone who lacks the courage to look at the truth is a coward. Cowards are really hard to love. They will perpetually frustrate you. Instead of admitting their shortcomings, their failures – their basic humanness – they will lie in order to cover it up. Please understand where you stand and decide where you want to take our future with her. Too much frustration will break you. Do spend time to analyse it yourself and do what you think will make your life peaceful.
My best friend and I have had a bad fall out. It’s been more than seven weeks that we have stopped interacting. Is it over?
Mira, Agra

A healthy acceptance of the idea that relationships are fluid – people come into and out of our lives for different periods of time, in an ever-changing way, and that’s natural and beautiful and fine – usually comes with at least one exclusion: your best friend. Like, everyone will come and go but this person is here for life. You believe you will always be that way together. Until one day, you’re not.

Here are ways you can analyse whether it has changed between you two:
1. You don’t bother resolving conflicts
2. You don’t do everything together anymore
3. You hear about their major life events from someone else
4. You see pictures on their news feed of nights out that you weren’t a part of
5. You don’t miss the presence and life is fine

Time is a healer. Let it prove your worth and till then, don’t lose heart. Enjoy your life and if need be, communicate your feelings to your ‘best friend’. It might ease the situation and help rebuild the broken relation. All the best!

My husband is very busy. He is out of the country for almost 15 days in a month. We have no children and he seems to be too busy to plan one. It’s been four years of our marriage and I’m very depressed with the current state.
Mrs. B. Das, Kolkata

This looks a bit selfish. Men running the race probably develop certain traits that make situations difficult for people around them. May be you can start travelling with him, if you can. Spend more time to revive the romance, be communicative and express whatever you feel is desired. 

If there is a member of the family or friend circle whom he trusts, that person can also help put the message across. Don’t lose heart. All good things take a bit longer perhaps. I’m sure you will overcome this and be a happier individual in near future. Just be a great lover to your husband and life will be better. Best of luck!

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