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Millennium Post

Working things out

Though resolving issues can be hard, it is better than trashing a relationship or friendship – but sometimes we just need to move on

Working things out
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My husband is an alcoholic. He is a good man but is a compulsive flirt. He is charming but I feel agitated and depressed. What can I do?

Name withheld

You could resolve to react differently to your partner's behaviour. Tell him you trust him, and instead of watching his every move, enjoy the social occasions you share. This has one risk. If he is very insecure and needs your constant jealous attention for reassurance, he will flirt even more outrageously. But if he does, you will need to ask yourself if you want to stay with such a manipulative person. In truth, it is more likely that he would be delighted with your more trusting reaction. He would no longer need to feel defensive, and might even act more considerately. But however he responds, you would be able to enjoy life a great deal more.

We are married for 2 years and I feel this relationship isn't going healthy. What are the signs of a toxic relationship?

Diana, New Delhi

Although no relationship is perfect and disagreement and arguments occur in the best of relationships, it is important to recognize the difference between what is toxic compared to what is not. Here are some characteristics of toxic relationships:

- When you are together you experience feeling tired and unfulfilled.

- The relationship causes you to feel bad about yourself, both before, during and after being together.

- You feel threatened rather than safe when you are with this person or in this environment.

- You feel as if you are the one who is always giving while your partner gives little or nothing.

- There is lots of drama, conflict and anxiety in the relationship.

- Your partner is never happy, appreciative and pleased with who you are. It feels to you as though you must change to make your partner happy.

How important is kissing in a relationship? I'm in class 10 and have been dating my school junior since last 3 months.

R Singh, New Delhi

Kisses are important throughout a relationship. Showing your partner affection keeps them in a comfortable state. For many, we need intimacy to be reminded we're valued and appreciated. It doesn't matter if you've been together three months or ten years, kissing is always needed. Long-term relationships need lots of rekindling on a regular basis, and a simple kiss is a great way.

I don't feel like getting physical with my husband. We are married for 8 years and I wonder what is wrong with me suddenly.

Name withheld

If you find yourself suddenly not wanting sex, check with your doctor to make sure everything is okay on the health front. Things like depression, hormonal changes, and certain medications can all affect your libido. You may consider going for an individual therapy to try to find out what's happening with you mentally. Also, have an open dialogue with your partner and be honest about how you're feeling. If you still want to be close to him, hold his hand, kiss, and touch, those are all great signs to rekindle the passion. If you don't, it could be a sign of a deeper issue that needs to be addressed and not neglected.

Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com

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