WIDENING YOUR PERSPECTIVES

My daughter is in 12th standard. She has friends who are much older than her. Her lifestyle is annoying me but she doesn't care and continues to mix around with her gang. What can we do?

D. Saha, Kolkata

I would want to know why you are feeling annoyed? Is it because of the fact that they are older and you fear that they may turn out to be a bad influence on her or is it just that you don't know what kind of a friendship they have? These older friends could also be helping your daughter get through life more easily and be true shoulders to lean on. Talk to your daughter and have a heart-to-heart chat and your problems will get sorted. Don't keep repeating the same story and annoy her further. It will only push you away from her. Try to bridge the gap and be a genuine friend who she can rely on.

I have a boyfriend since last 10 years. We are together since childhood but now I'm not sure. How should I tackle this? I don't know.

T. Venu, New Delhi

The younger you are, the easier it is to be flexible. There will be plenty of times that you'll find that your expectations and dreams have changed and you're holding onto those old dreams out of habit or nostalgia. Before you pull the trigger, you need to take some time to think about just how firmly you're committed to your current life and relationship, whether you're willing to make some sacrifices in the name of your love. The decision to hold on and never let go is the biggest decision that you need to make. Give time and I'm sure you will take the right step.

How to differentiate between love and infatuation?

Vijaya, Noida

Infatuation might lead to love. Yet, here is what I feel:

Love develops gradually over time. Infatuation occurs almost instantaneously.

Love can last a long time. It becomes deeper and more powerful over time. Infatuation is powerful, but short-lived.

Love accepts the whole person, imperfections and all. Infatuation flourishes on perfection – you have an idealized image of your partner and you only show your partner your good side.

Love is much more than physical attraction. Infatuation focuses primarily on the physical.

Love considers the other person. Infatuation is selfish.

Love is being in love with a person. Infatuation is being in love with love.

Again, there's nothing wrong with two people being infatuated with each other, just as long as both people recognize the relationship for what it is. Good luck to you.

We live in Haryana and got married in January. My husband is a businessman and travels too frequently. I feel very depressed.

Name withheld

I can understand how hard it can be for a newly married couple to stay away from each other. But in today's economy, sometimes traveling becomes a necessity to keep a job. So in order to cope with the Being Away From Each other Syndrome make it a point to stay connected to each other on phone and Internet. Reinforce your commitment and trustworthiness towards each other by staying connected. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Feel lucky that he is not stationed away from you or working for the military. Have some me time and spend your time in finishing all the boring work and save your best moments to enjoy when he returns. Best wishes, love birds.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)