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TRUST YOUR GUT

It is important that you learn to understand and trust your gut feeling – it leaves less scope for regret

TRUST YOUR GUT

I'm dating a man I met through a dating site. He's caring and loves me but I feel he is a miser. Whenever there is a discussion around money, he says, 'money is not happiness'. I mostly end up paying bills each time. What should I do?

D. Sikdar, Kolkata

While money is not happiness, it is definitely the key that can open almost all doors of this challenging world. It provides a comfortable life and helps you feel more secure. If your man has an absolutely different vision of the world, then it is better not to waste your valuable time trying to prove otherwise. Many misers preach to their women that money has nothing in common with happiness. This way, they make an attempt to lower their ladies' sights and impose their concept of happiness. If he is already depending on your wallet, it is a big warning sign. Don't rush and don't get carried away. Take time before you decide anything. Good luck!

My girlfriend was cheating on me. I know the truth and she is very apologetic now. I love her a lot but don't know what to do. Please tell me, should I forgive her?

Manu Singh, New Delhi

Please forgive her if your inner voice is prompting you to do so. Trust your guts. If you feel that letting her go will be the biggest mistake of your life, maybe it will be a wrong idea. If you feel that she is sincerely sorry and you believe that this was a one-time thing, maybe it's worth trying to stay together to work out a solution. Breaking up with someone you still love is not necessarily the best option, especially if she still claims to love you. Give her a chance and love her even more. Best of luck!

I am divorced. My parents are insisting on remarriage. I really don't want to mess my life again. I'm 36+. How do I tell my parents to stop worrying?

K. Jha, Noida

Getting remarried doesn't indicate 'mess'. There are too many people around who are happily settled after a bad fallout in their life. It is most important to find a partner who matches your expectations. Someone who will understand your mind and help you overcome the agony of your past. As parents, they are not incorrect in expecting your happiness – but get married only when you think you are ready. I wish you the very best.

There is someone in my life. But I'm not sure whether she is the one for me. How does one actually decide on the right partner?

Name withheld

You have to analyse your relationship. If the majority applies to you, keep her in your life.

You're happy when she's around. Her absence leaves a void.

You know each other's families. If you're familiar with her siblings and parents, you're good to go. Secret relationships may be fun, but anything lasting means you're joining the family.

You are yourself. You are not afraid to tell her your secrets. You can be relaxed and comfortable as you are.

You communicate. A healthy relationship is dependent upon communication. Being open, honest, and talk with each other without fear.

There is little to no drama. If your relationship feeds off the daily drama, someone is going to crack and it will not last long.

You have balance. Find that balance between having both your own lives and being a part of each other's.

You are learning. If you are not learning or growing, then maybe she isn't the one.

You have the same goals. If you both want the same things, share the same ideals and want the same results, you will find success together.

She makes the effort to be around you. A one-sided relationship will never work. Both sides need to be interested for a relationship to flourish.

You feel safe. If you are continually doubting your partner, seek safety elsewhere. The healthiest relationships are the ones where both feel at home.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)

ROOPSHA DASGUUPTA RAY

ROOPSHA DASGUUPTA RAY

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