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Millennium Post

Transparency is key

Talk to anyone who’s been in a relationship with a person who is terrible with money – it is not fun, it is not romantic, it might be tragic in the future.

I'm too shy to propose! What can I do?

Aadil, New Delhi

Try any of these: Write a letter to her – be honest. Don't try to be too poetic. Be a little funny. Be yourself. Maybe you can even express your nervousness. Don't forget to embrace your shyness. Girls sometimes find it cute. Or, make a video. Use a simple video editor. Make it interesting, funny and add surprises. Describe how you feel about her – the joy, the thrill, the excitement. Point down every little detail you like about her. Describe how you feel, whenever you think about her. Be romantic and honest. Make it into a blog. After you've written for enough days, just give her the link, I'm sure she'll be surprised. More power to you, dear!

My girlfriend and I have been in a live-in relationship for the last three years. She spends a lot of money on shopping and other activities. I am trying my best to cope but she doesn't seem to understand. Can you help me suggest some way.

Vinay Sinha, Noida

Start with transparency: Teach her to share all expenses. Do not try to control things, often money is a substitute for control.

Try and work together on life goals: Saving for a trip, a house, whatever. If she cannot prove herself capable of meeting to save for a goal, I would seriously reconsider her as a life partner. Debt is crippling in terms of options. If she is under the expectation that you will support her and if you are not up for it you will become a slave to her debt. Material things should not define a person or a relationship and if she cannot learn that, I wouldn't suggest you put your own financial future on the line. This is not a problem you want to wait to fix, it will not resolve itself.

Loving someone does not mean that you destroy yourself in the process. That is what you are potentially doing by not dealing with a habit that is irresponsible. Talk to anyone who's been in a relationship with a person who is terrible with money – it is not fun, it is not romantic, it might be tragic in future.

I have studied in a Bengali-medium school. Now, I face major issues with spoken English. How can I improve myself?

Papri Saha, West Bengal

You can always enroll in a spoken English class. Alongside, watch English channels, read the English newspapers and read it aloud. Whenever possible, talk to your friends and family in English. Tell your near ones to correct a mistake that they hear. Learn to learn and keep yourego aside. It's your confidence that will yield the maximum result. Even if you make mistakes initially, DON'T STOP. Focus on your goal to learn it and I'm sure it will be achieved soon.

I come from a small town. I'm a student and I live with my uncle in the city. I'm 17 and I'm not sure whether I'm gay. How can I be sure?

DP, New Delhi

It can be confusing to know if you are gay, bi or straight when you are still going through puberty. Not everyone grows through this period fully aware of their sexual identity. You should not label yourself at this age as it can all change by the time you have grown through and out of puberty. Sexual urges come in many forms. When we are young, sexual orientation is mixed in with all kinds of dynamic and sometimes uncomfortable things that we are dealing with every moment. There is no need to seek labels for these experiences. As we mature and begin to seek and form important relationships with individuals, the sexual piece gets clearer and clearer. It's something you feel deep inside.

You may not know for a while and be unsure, but it's only something YOU know. No one else can tell you. Either way, listen to your heart and soul and trust that they will lead you in the direction that is right for you.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)

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