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The Power Lies Within

Remember the first rule of convincing other people that you’re amazing: you have to believe it yourself.

The Power Lies Within
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My partner is always suspecting me. It is affecting me terribly. What to do?
Name unknown
Constant negative suspicion from the person you love is difficult to accept. But don't let your partner's suspicions ruin your peace. Tell yourself that only you have the power to control your mood and no one else. Don't give away this power so easily. Moreover, remind yourself that you are responsible for your own feelings and your spouse cannot make you feel unhappy or bad about yourself without your consent. If you haven't done it already, try to listen calmly instead of getting defensive. Cutting off your spouse prematurely or reacting with an impatient gesture or tone of voice will only blow up the situation and give your partner another reason to build up their suspicions. Be transparent about your schedule. Try not to think of these acts as having to "explain" yourself. Let your partner know that being constantly suspected no longer makes you want to try harder to please him/her – in fact, it only makes you feel more discouraged and defensive about your privacy. Also, point out that if this continues over time, your feelings of despair and hopelessness may even make it difficult for you to continue in the relationship. End the discussion by reaffirming your love for your spouse and your readiness to improve any aspect of your behaviour which may be actually upsetting them. Finally, if you remain unsuccessful after trying out all the above ways but still want to give your relationship a chance, the only thing left to do is take professional help.
I want to improve skills of impressing others. Can you guide?
Nikita, New Delhi
Remember the first rule of convincing other people that you're amazing: you have to believe it yourself. Focus on your body language. Stand tall, keep your chin parallel to the ground, arch your shoulders slightly back, and look straight ahead. Make a few seconds of eye contact with each person you pass, and hold someone's gaze when you're talking to him or her. Don't walk quickly, be sure to pause and socialise with people. Most importantly, don't forget to smile. It is the most important make-up a girl can wear.
I have a lot of friends. Yet I feel lonely and depressed. I don't know why. Please guide.
A.V, Kolkata
These could be the reasons why you feel lonely.
Your social circle is about quantity over quality. Perhaps you have plenty of people who'll go out with you or have a laugh with you, but very few who feel very close to you.
If you're naturally an introvert, you might not do much to connect with your friends especially when you're in a big group. Although sitting quietly is quite natural for an introvert, it can also be because you are lonely.
If you've been hurt in the past or just aren't sure about letting people in, you might not let your friends really know you. And if you don't show them your authentic self, they can't give you the validation that can remedy loneliness.
Finally, if you constantly compare your life to those you see online, you're bound to feel lonely and dissatisfied. Everyone puts an idealised form of themselves on social media, leaving others feeling like they're not really happy in comparison. Cheer up and live every moment well. Life is a great gift and I wish you good luck.
What happens to us when we kiss? I've just started dating and keep thinking about it.
Name unknown
When we kiss, a lot is going on in our muscles and our brain. You will use over 145 muscles in and around your mouth area and exchange over 80,000,000 bacteria (don't worry, most of it won't harm you)! There is a nuclear reactor of biological proportions when we kiss passionately. First of all, let's talk about the chemicals that are transmitted from your brain that make you feel so, so good. These feel-good neurotransmitters have names like dopamine, which will heighten your desires and craving for the other person; serotonin, which will raise your mood and trigger passionate thoughts about the person; and oxytocin, the love hormone responsible for the high during an orgasm that can also trigger the sense of closeness and bonding between partners. So really, when you kiss, and you feel as high as a kite with love and passion, you can thank your little friends that create the perfect cocktail for feel-goodness: dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin.
(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)
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