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Millennium Post

Teach her to share expenses

Material things should not define a person or a relationship and if one fails to learn that, it’s suggested that one should put his own financial future on the line.

Teach her to share expenses
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I'm a student of class 12 and I want to be a successful in life. I don't know which field to study in future. Please guide.
Rahul, New Delhi

Most successful people I know always set their goals right. To understand your career option, you have to focus on your strengths and evaluate your options. You can always seek advice from seniors of various field of study/ work depending on your passion towards a particular subject. But at the end of it all, you have to decide what you are willing to become and what you are capable of. You are your best judge.

My girlfriend and I are in a live in relationship for the last 4 years. She spends a lot of money on shopping and other activities. I am trying my best to cope, but she doesn't seem to understand! Can you help me suggest some way.
Sanjay Banerjee, West Bengal

This is a very, very hard problem to solve. It's near to addiction in my experience. Loving someone does not mean that you destroy yourself in the process. That is what you are potentially doing by not dealing with a habit that is irresponsible. Talk to anyone who's been in a relationship with a person who is terrible with money – it is not fun, it is not romantic, it might be tragic in future. Here are few ways you can try:

1. Start with transparency: teach her to share all expenses with you. Do not try to control things, often money is a substitute for control.

2. Try and work together on life goals - saving for a trip, a house, whatever. If she cannot prove herself capable of meeting to save for a goal, I would seriously reconsider her as a life partner. Debt is crippling in terms of options, and if she is under the expectation that you will support her, if you are not up for it you will become a slave to her debt. Material things should not define a person or a relationship and if she cannot learn that, I wouldn't suggest you put your own financial future on the line. This is not a problem you want to wait to fix, it will not resolve itself.

My mother passed away when I was a child. Since then my Dad is heavily into drinking. I'm in college now and his habits are affecting my mind. How can this be resolved?
Name unknown
Probably there's not much you can do. Given the fact that his habits have been on for several years, it is quite difficult for you to bring a change in him. I'm sure, you have expressed your problems to him. If not, do speak your heart out when he's not with his glass. A couple of years and you can surely move out and work in a different place. That surely will be a relief for you. But, his habits might be fatal. Consult a doctor and if required, look out for rehabs to cure him. This is an illness and has to be treated. Whatever you do, don't get upset and handle the situation like a matured individual. I know this must be difficult yet I'm sure you will handle this with your best self.

What according to you makes a good relationship?
S Singh, New Delhi
Relationships aren't just about love, passion, romance, or sex. And showing love to someone isn't just saying "I love you". If you really love someone, you show them respect, which means:

Understanding that the other person doesn't always have to do what you want Accepting that they have a right to their own friends, their own opinions, and to make their own decisions and Listening to the other person, caring about their opinions, supporting their independence and treating them as an equal. The list is long but I personally feel, the above points do make a relationship healthy and warm.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)
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