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The illusion of love

The illusion of love
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I'm feeling I'm in love with a girl online. She's pretty caring and says she is in love too. But she doesn't want to meet me. We are having an affair
since last 3 years.
Jai Singh, Haryana

Do you have a clear picture as to why she is avoiding the meeting? What's her reason? I do not know whether or not you guys have a long distance relationship and hence would not like to jump into any conclusion directly. If you claim 3 years of 'affair', then it is indeed high time to meet, be with each other and spend quality time to explore the togetherness. Every affair needs proximity and touch. Would request you to set a date in your mind and plan a meeting to discuss the future. Illusion is sometimes as strong as love itself. Handle your emotions with care and face it. If she is serious about you, she will meet and be with you. Good luck!

Is jealousy a sign of insecurity? My boyfriend is a very jealous guy.
Renu, Lucknow

Jealousy isn't always a sign of weakness or insecurity. It could also be an expression of love but jealousy in a relationship isn't always easy to handle. Jealousy crops up in many ways, but in essence, it's a sign of insecurity and the fear of losing the one you love. You may get jealous of your partner for several reasons. While jealousy due to misunderstanding is acceptable, irrational jealousy isn't. Learn to trust your partner and don't doubt them unnecessarily. Regain your confidence and remember that they do love you, and your lover is not going to stop loving you by just talking to someone attractive. Let there be no secrecy and if something bothers you, tell your partner in a clear and pleasant manner that you did not like or appreciate their behavior. The problem with dealing with jealousy in a relationship is that most people forget to put themselves into their partner's shoes and see what they would have done
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My brother is studying in Mumbai. Last couple of months, we feel he has changed his behavior towards us. He is rude, absent minded, gets low grades too. We are worried. What can be done?
Monty, Kolkata

Either go and visit him or bring him home to have a very transparent communication. The behavioral pattern that he is exhibiting definitely requires immediate attention. It surely could be some unsaid stress, untold fear that he is keeping deep within. This has to come into light and solved from the root. Be friendly, over attentive, caring and let him speak. Do not lose your cool at any cost and don't try to control him too much. If there is any resistance, do seek professional help. Don't delay, start the process now.
I can't trust anyone. I feel everyone is selfish and here for a reason. Is this abnormal? Please guide!
Saarah, New Delhi

At first, I request you to have confidence on yourself. If you have a positive inner self, nobody can scar it. It is indeed a fact that in present time, there seems to be a difference between the face and the mask. People do have hidden agendas which may conflict with your expectation. The best way to be a happier individual is to have less emotional involvement. Give every association the time it requires before you give in or open up completely. Selfish people do exist but alongside exists the good souls. Life will bring both. Wish you the luck to differentiate between the two. Don't panic and just be yourself!

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)
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