Millennium Post

Stop pretending, be real

Listen to what your partner is saying. Don’t pretend to listen — actually listen. Sometimes, the only thing we want is a good listener or a shoulder to lean on

Stop pretending, be real

I love a girl and she also loves me. However whenever I call her, she always is on phone with another boyfriend. What should I do?

Suresh, Manipur

Don't get suspicious for no reason. If you doubt her integrity, have a clear conversation with her. Don't let the clouds of doubt hover for too long. It will damage your relationship. The boy she speaks to might just be a friend and not a 'boyfriend'. Wish you a happy love life.

My husband and I are both remarried. Though I have no association with my ex, he is in very good terms with his previous wife. I feel jealous and insecure. How should I cope with this?

T. Pal, Kolkata

Sometimes, you have to express and demand. If you really can't tolerate this, then be transparent and express yourself. But, please understand, some relationships are impossible to forget. Perhaps his ex is a very close friend and the friendship is the only reason for their closeness. Try to understand him and try to be his closest companion. Love replaces love, anger will spoil it. Don't worry too much and spoil your mental peace. Be a true companion and build a happy future together. Best wishes.

I have just started dating someone seriously. How do I ensure a good relationship?

Sunny Arora, New Delhi

To ensure a great relationship, here are few focus areas:

-Keep your promises. In most cases, we over commit. Do what you say you'll do. Always respect her and her people. While dating, be on time. Keep the other informed about any changes. Do not take anyone for granted.

- Stop assuming. Establish good lines of communication instead. Talk and express as much as possible.

- Listen to what she's saying. Don't pretend to listen – actually listen. Sometimes, the only thing we want is a good listener or a shoulder to lean on. Let her talk and be absorbed in what she's saying. Be involved.

- Never lie. Being open and never lying establishes great verbal communication, which is at the heart of all great relationships.

- Minimise jealousy. You may get a little jealous from time to time, and that's okay, as long as you try to not let it affect your relationship.

I am from a small town. I'm a 15-year-old student and stay with my sister in Noida. I'm not sure whether I'm gay. How can I be sure? I'm very worried!

Name withheld

It can be confusing to know if you are gay, bi or straight when you are still going through puberty. When we are young, sexual orientation is mixed with all kinds of dynamics and uncomfortable realities. As we mature and begin to seek and form important relationships with individuals, the sexual piece get clearer. It's something you feel deep inside. You may not know for a while and be unsure, but it's something only you will know. No one else can tell you. Either way, listen to your heart and soul and trust that they will lead you in the direction that is right for you.

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