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Millennium Post

Stop assuming, start listening

Being open and never lying establishes great verbal communication, which is at the heart of all great relationships.

My daughter, 27 is highly educated and well placed. She is determined to settle with a guy she met over a matrimony website. She thinks he is very smart while we think he is average, glib talker and dreamer running a start up internet company. We are very worried.
DC
As parents you will always worry as you will want the best for your child. As parents you should also trust her. She is old enough to understand her future. She will use her liberty to do what she wants. Express your concern but try to have faith on her. Try to meet the man she is dating and begin to know him as well. Don't remain over worried about your life and lose the happy moments tucked in everyday. Your life and it's happiness is your first priority. Choose everything wisely. I wish her the best and hope the best for you too.
I have just started dating someone seriously. How to ensure a good relationship?
Rajan, New Delhi
Keep your promises. In most cases, we over commit. Do what you say you'll do. Always respect her and her people. While dating, be on time. Keep the other informed about any changes. Do not take anyone for granted.
Stop assuming. Establish good lines of communication instead. Talk and express as much as possible.
Listen to what she's saying. Don't pretend to listen — actually listen. Sometimes, the only thing we want is a good listener or a shoulder to lean on. Let her talk and be absorbed in what she's saying. Be involved.
Never lie. Being open and never lying establishes great verbal communication, which is at the heart of all great relationships.
Minimize jealousy. You may get a little jealous from time to time, and that's okay, as long as you try to not let it affect your relationship. Best wishes to you both.
I don't want to cheat or lie yet I think I am attracted to a colleague at work. I have a wife. What should I do?
Name not given
Cheating is a form of lying. You wouldn't be very accepting of your wife having an affair, so why would you? If you're having an affair, take a good, hard look at your life and ask yourself why you're married to the person you're married to. If you love your wife but lust someone else, realize how unfair the situation is. You want the comfort of your wife, but you're not willing to be exclusive and honest with her. This is selfish behaviour. You can't have your cake and eat it, too. If you no longer love your wife, then why are you still married to her? Either of you would probably be much better off if you were given the opportunity to find someone you truly loved, or someone who loved you back. Think about it.
I have joined a new school as a Teacher and have to report in by 6 am. How do I wake up so early? I'm always a late riser.
SriJata, Kolkata
The idea here is to make waking up early a part of your day that you don't absolutely hate and that will be sustainable for a long time. So if you normally wake up each day at 7am but your goal is to start waking up at 5am each morning, then you work up to that target time with a schedule like this:
Week 1: Wake up each morning at 6:30am
Week 2: Wake up each morning at 6:00am
Week 3: Wake up each morning at 5:30am
Week 4: Wake up each morning at 5:00am (GOAL!)
Doing it this way is manageable and you're not dramatically altering your schedule and you are building on small wins each week. Wish you a super career!
(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)

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