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Millennium Post

SO CLOSE, YET SO FAR!

Distance is for a short while and if you really want to be together, you have to make things work and celebrate every little moment

I have a problem. I can't say no. How do I say no politely? Please guide.

Ramya Narayanan, New Delhi

Saying no in a polite manner entails two things: Accurate empathy – this simply means you understanding a person's situation from their point of view that is literally to be in that person's shoes. As such you can presume how the person will feel. This also helps you to choose the right words.

Second: Right words – this entails you to actively and carefully select the words you would use in conveying your "no". More so, it has been established that communication is not just about speech but also involves other things such as non-verbal cues, adapters, grimace, including the phonology of your words.

Though we don't stay together, my parents-in-law don't play nice. I am trying but it seems that there is always some issue or the other.

Mrs. Sinha, New Delhi

You are lucky that you don't live in the same home. When you are meeting them, these are a few things you can try to maintain. Don't budge an inch. Stay confident in your position. Don't let their words or attitude hurt you. Don't forget that you're the authority in your family. Put your in-laws in their place by being polite yet firm. Re-evaluate the boundaries you've set. Don't let them dominate your life. If they are truly difficult people, spend time with your in-laws when your spouse is present. All the best!

We are in a long distance relationship. He's working in Canada. Last month he visited me and we had a fight. I love him and want us to be happy. Please advise.

Kirti Singh, Noida

Some trips will be full of great memories and carefree times, and some will be full of fighting over big or small issues – that is a part of life. Don't lose heart and be upset. You need to work towards having a very strong, solid base to your relationship when you're a distance apart. Establish some ground rules about when you'll see each other. Call and text each other frequently and don't forget to schedule regular Skype/ video chat dates. You have to constantly remind yourself that the distance is for a short while and as you really want to be together, you have to make it work. Celebrate everything, even if you can't be together in person. Dream and plan the bigger picture and ensure to give all your efforts to make it work.

What are the disadvantages of premarital sex?

Name withheld

Having physical intimacy before marriage may give the attraction and physical fulfillment at the moment but it might not last long. The reason is that men always think that this just a part of the relationship whereas women think that they have given their entire life to the guy and become more close to him. In a few cases, there might be a feeling that there is nothing more left in the relationship to be carried further. There are heavy chances of breaking-up because of the boredom and monotony. There are also several health-related issues which may occur during premarital sex.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)

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