RETRAIN & REFRAIN

I have just started dating a girl seriously. How do I ensure a good relationship?

K. Saha, Kolkata

To ensure a good relationship, follow these simple steps.

Keep your promises: In most cases, we over commit. Do what you say you'll do. Always respect her and her people. While dating, be on time. Keep the other informed about any changes. Do not take anyone for granted.

Stop assuming: Establish good lines of communication. Talk and express as much as possible.

Listen to what she's saying. Don't pretend to listen – actually listen. Sometimes, the only thing we want is a good listener or a shoulder to lean on. Let her talk and be absorbed in what she's saying. Be involved.

Never lie: Being open and never lying establishes great verbal communication, which is at the heart of all great relationships.

Minimise jealousy: You may get a little jealous from time-to-time, and that's okay, as long as you try to not let it affect your relationship.

Best wishes to you both.

I love a girl, we study in the same college. I help her with studies and she needs my emotional support as well but she doesn't care to love me. What should I do?

Sahil Khan, New Delhi

Relationships are stable when people are equally attracted to each other, hold similar feelings for each other and demonstrate equal amount of respect for each other. Relationships work best when they are based on equality. From your situation, it is clear that you have feelings for a girl and it is not reciprocated. Allowing yourself to continue expecting might hurt you further. Please restrict yourself and focus on spending time with people and activities that keep you happier. In a situation like this, any expectation might lead to more emotional instability in the long run. Let life be good for you and if she cares enough, she will be there. If not, just let it be. You deserve to be happy and always remember – happiness begins with you. Don't give her so much of emotional space to feel hurt or broken. Good luck.

I have recently discovered that my father who is an established businessman is associated with a lot of young models. They exchange very erotic pictures and messages. Should I tell my mother? What should I do?

Name withheld

You can always have a transparent communication with your father. Observe his reaction and hear his response. Telling your mother will hurt her and this is avoidable right now. Your father surely needs to know that you are aware of his 'other' side. Suggest you tell him that you have known from a few friends rather than disclosing the truth – as he might be alert and delete information from the phone forever. Don't be hyper, handle it well and see the results. Good luck!

When I was in Class 3, my mother died. Since then my father dates multiple women. I'm angry and feel helpless at home. I'm in my 1st year of college now. What can I do?

Name withheld

Your father has the right to lead his life according to his choice. You too have the right to feel disturbed in the situation. Considering you are mature enough to take a decision, I strongly recommend you to start living away from home. If your college does not have any hostel, start living as a PG or with someone you can. At the end of the day, you cannot change his way of life. Best is to focus on yours and make it better. Good luck.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)