REFRESH YOUR INNER-SELF

I can't get over my past marriage. My ex-husband is married and looks happy too. I'm somehow not being able to get over the divorce and land up calling him at times. How can I forget him and carry on?

R Saha, Kolkata

It was the matter of a decision that led to the divorce and it is the matter of another decision to stay away. It might take many weeks or years to get over this broken marriage but as your partner is already settled, you should refrain from communicating. Focus and divert your attention on other things. Keep yourself busy with work and friends. I sincerely wish you the power to conquer temptation and move on.

My mother-in-law is always comparing me with my married sister-in-law who lives in USA. I'm tired of arguments and tears. What can be done?

D Singh, New Delhi

It must be truly annoying and irritating. You have to fight this out in a sweet way. Don't be rude but be firm in letting her know how irritated you feel about this whole comparison. If she still fails to rectify, use earphones and listen to music. Go into any other room each time she's getting messy. Or may be, you suggest her a relocation to USA where she will get her angel daughter-in-law. It's difficult to change others, so the best is to change the way you manage situations. Don't lose your cool. I'm sure things will improve. All the best!

I always land up with the wrong man which eventually leaves a bad taste. Is something wrong with me in particular?

Name withheld

Sometimes there is a subconscious part of us that draws us to particular people who trigger a familiar feeling. We think it's chemistry when the fireworks go off, but what's actually happening is that your inner drama queen is having a field day. May be you're bored with the nice guys and crave attention from the man who acts disinterested. Some people think they will never have chemistry with someone "nice" and that could very well be true. If you don't change your partner selection mechanism, you will subconsciously choose the same heartache every time. You will ignore the obvious indications, believing, that "this relationship" will be different.... but nothing changes. Don't take stress. Enjoy each experience with a positive frame of mind. There should be a right man and the right time will definitely connect you both.

I am a regular reader of your column and love reading it. I am in a relationship for last six years but in my mind, I know, it's over. I don't know how to convey to him. Roopsha, please help!

Tanika, Kolkata

It is important to prepare what you want to say in advance so you can make your feelings clear and express yourself without getting emotional. Practice what you are going to say several times before talking to your boyfriend. Unless your boyfriend has become violent or threatening, you owe him the courtesy of a face-to face conversation. Arrange a time to meet with him in person but choose a public place like a coffee shop. Giving him the bad news in person will show that you still care about his feelings even if you don't love him anymore. If your boyfriend still has feelings for you, he may try to convince you not to break up with him. This is why it is important to be emotionally strong when you talk to him. Staying in a relationship when your emotions have cooled isn't fair to either of you. Best wishes.

(Send your questions roopshashotm@gmail.com)