Millennium Post

Plugging emotional gaps

Emotional distance in a relationship rarely develops overnight; expect that it will likewise require some time to rebuild that connection — gradual steps can help to reconnect

We are married for 7 months. It was an arranged marriage and I fear my wife is in a relationship. She isn't accepting this and continues to be in touch with the guy. Should I allow her to do what she is doing or should I withdraw myself from the marriage before it gets dirty?

Name withheld

Sometimes we imagine things to be true only because we feel it is. The reality could be far away from the imagination. I suggest, you be a friend to her and ask her what she expects you to do in the given situation. Explain your fear, express your insecurity to her and give her a chance to express her point. You both need to be great friends for the marriage to work. With time the bond should become stronger and she should know that you understand and love her. Don't suspect her and make it worse. Let her know that you respect her decision and would support her. I strongly believe, she wouldn't let you down. Good luck!

My son is 3 and a half years old and is very obedient but whenever he is facing any interview, he is too shy and quiet. I fear he will not get through any big school. Please help.

Medha Kapoor, New Delhi

Firstly, relax. Don't take so much pressure based on what your 4-year-old is doing now. If you feel that your child doesn't respond to strangers, try and take him to places where he would meet new people every day. Provide him platforms where he can communicate and interact freely. His fear is temporary and will surely go with time. You have to be very loveable and support him to overcome this. Many children face this and parents need to understand the mind of the little one. Whether or not he gets admitted to a school of your choice is secondary. Let him bloom into a confident and happy soul.

My daughter is 20. She won a local beauty contest and since then has lost focus on studies. She wants to move to Mumbai. Please guide us. We are very worried.

R Ahmed, New Delhi

I understand your reasons to worry and perhaps we all know why your daughter is in this phase of life. Don't force her to stop dreaming. Explain to her that you are not an obstacle but you support her every decision. At present, she should focus on building herself in the best possible way. Her focus should be on her grades and also on grooming her for the future. It is a highly competitive world that she plans to step in and she should spend the next few years in preparation. Don't demotivate her and show your support in every step. Let her understand the value of the present time and feel confident about you. She should start doing small assignments around her area to face her bigger dream in Mumbai. Education has no substitute and she should finish her studies before she chooses any career option. Forcing her to stop dreaming will damage her relationship with you. Be patient.

I had been to a paid centre for physical pleasure when I was in my office tour in Thailand. I was accompanied by a colleague whose wife is a friend of my wife. I fear my wife will know this someday and will leave me. I'm very scared of the consequences.

Name withheld

Fearing consequences isn't a solution. I suggest, if this secret will threaten your relationship, then please give your wife some information about it. You need not tell her everything but she should be aware of your visit. Don't let this burden spoil your peace of mind. We all have one life and we do things for the sake of experiment. If she knows it from anyone else, the outcome will not be peaceful. Plan your story and tell it to her. She is your partner and I'm sure you would know how to do that without hurting anyone.

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