Perfection in imperfection
Healthy competition is always welcome — it helps accelerate one’s own performance.
I have anxiety issues. I often feel the need to calm down but fail to do so. Please help.
Here are some tips that might help you:
Reset your mind by focusing on other sensations, like the feeling of the ground under your feet.
Ask yourself if your negative thoughts are rational.
Breathe deeply, starting at the bottom of your stomach.
Find a quiet space and talk to yourself, using calming and encouraging words.
Is it healthy to be competitive?
Karan, New Delhi
It's okay, even healthy, to allow ourselves to have competitive thoughts. It can feel good when we simply let ourselves enjoy the momentary feeling without judgment or a plan for action. However, if we ruminate or twist this thought into a criticism of ourselves or an attack on another person, we wind up getting hurt. Healthy competition is always welcome and helps accelerate one's own performance.
I feel depressed. I feel I'm imperfect and nobody is happy with me. What can I do?
Nobody is perfect. Perfection does not exist. Be yourself. It sounds harsh but the reality is that we can't make everyone happy. Not everyone will like us. It's impossible. Don't give in to those bad thoughts. It's only the depression talking and it's not the truth. You do have a reason to smile about. You are alive. Feel that beat in your chest. It's called 'purpose'. We all have a purpose. Hang on. It will get better. Try to go out and have fun. Distract yourself. I hope you feel better. Life is short so enjoy it right now. Don't let the depression get to you.
We are in a steady relationship since the last two years. She trusts me but I can't resist hot women. I need to fix this. I can't lose my girlfriend. I love her. Please guide.
V. Ghosh, West Bengal
The simplest way to 'fix' this is to stop entertaining other women in your mind. You have to have control over yourself as such things may have serious negative consequences in the future. To feel lighter and better, let your partner know this. Maybe not entirely but she should have some clue about your real self. Even if it means letting your relationship take a knock. The accountability is important and opening the communication channel on this topic will make it stronger in the long run.
(Send your questions to email@example.com)