OVERCOMING GRIEF

I met my cousin at a family wedding after 11 years. I feel hugely attracted to her and want to take it forward. Is it really wrong?

Name withheld, New Delhi

I don't think it's wrong, but you need to consider the implications. I think you need to think about the results of what this relationship would create; is it just going to be one-off, or will this be ongoing for the rest of your lives? It sounds like there are some real feelings there, so, are you going to hide it? Are you going to hide this relationship and it's familial nature from your other relatives and friends? It's not about right or wrong, this isn't a moral issue, it's about helping and harming. What's going to help this situation and be the best for everyone involved? Just think about this and make your own decisions based on consideration of all involved, directly or indirectly.

I lost my mother in 2016. I can't bear it. When do you think I can overcome this? Please help me get back to a normal life.

Madhuri Bhagat, Noida

Everyone processes loss in their own way and by their own individual timeline, it can be difficult to recognise when and if feelings of loss have developed into complicated grief. Also known as persistent complex bereavement disorder, this form of grief is usually marked by emotions so severe, painful and long-lasting that a person cannot seem to accept the loss and move forward to resume life, even many months or years afterward. The stages of recovery after the loss of a loved one typically involve allowing yourself to experience the pain of your loss, which gradually gives way to accepting the reality of it and finding a way to move forward. The healing process also involves finding it possible, in time, to enjoy other relationships. If you continue to experience a heightened focus on reminders of your loved one that triggers intense pain, grief counseling can be helpful. Please try to be stronger and you will be able to move ahead.

I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 21. We have been dating since 5 months. He loves me but is poor when we try to make love. I really don't know what to do. Please help.

S.S, Kolkata

Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to loving. It could just be that your new man has learned a different technique that isn't your cup of tea. If this is the case and you can retrain him using the techniques you desire, then you're well on your way to blissful, passionate happiness. Count your lucky stars that your partner has the presence of mind and desire to listen and make sure you are satisfied. If he still can't get it together after you've tried everything, he's probably never going to be good enough. It's decision-making time for you. Only you can decide if all of his other qualities are worth keeping him for, or if it's time to let go.

I had a breakup with my lover a few weeks ago. I feel I have moved on but often I feel angry and bitter. I need to cut off and move on. Need your guidance.

Megha Singh, New Delhi

If you had truly moved on, you wouldn't be thinking about him at all, let alone still getting angry about things he did. It takes time to get over anger, but if you're conscious of how much time and energy you're wasting still being mad at him, that would be the first step to cutting it off. Every time a negative thought enters your head, make the choice to distract yourself and not dwell on it. If you haven't gone through this process yet, you need to start it now. There is no point holding on to a wave. You must love yourself a bit more to realise your worth and move on with your head held high.

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