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Love well, live better

No relationship is perfect – it’s about being with a person who makes you happy in a way that nobody else can

There is an increasing trend to simply give up to find an easier solution – in this case, an easier partner to live with. But will it be easier with a different person? Or will it just be different challenges? Is there anyone who is that perfect for you? That soulmate with whom everything will be just perfect? So, what is this perfect relationship? Does anyone around you seem to have it? Or does it seem to belong to a bygone era?

After a lot of thought and research, one can come to some conclusions that might be helpful to understand if the person in your life is really the special one. Or even pointers to recognise a partner you should run from!

There is no perfect relationship. Shocked? Surprised? But it is true. Ask anyone in a seemingly perfect relationship. There are ups and downs and boredom and anger. But, there is also a collection of perfect moments – a perfect evening, a perfect gesture. And, you need to be in a relationship that will give you more of these perfect moments – make no mistake, both of you will be mad at each other but it that's good cause it's so much fun to make up.

Look beyond the superficial. Yes I know that's difficult! That awesome looking girl you ran into maybe the nicest person you've ever known or she could just be a selfish narcissist with the balance tilting towards the latter. Similarly, that awesome guy you met, who was the life and soul of the party, may not turn out to be the one to devote himself to one partner. In short, be sure of what you are looking for in a partner. Great looks might be a bonus but it is not the most essential thing. Shared goals are, however, essential.

Early on, it is important to know what your partner is looking for in a relationship. If both of you feel light dating without a firm commitment works, then it's great. But if both of you are expecting different things from a relationship, then that might be a problem.

Listen. This is so fundamental but everyone seems to miss it's importance. And, I don't mean hearing only. Listening is when you devote your attention to the person speaking to you. If your partner has had a day from hell, give them some much needed TLC. It will help every time. At the same time, a partner who is constantly checking their phone while you are talking, is a bad bet. Unless there is an emergency, they are giving a subtle signal that you are not important to them.

Value space and privacy, both yours and your partner's. You both need each other, true, but you also need time away from each other. Maintain your own special friends. Sometimes, in a stressful situation, talking it over with your close friends really helps. And, having separate friends would mean that you are not putting your friends in an uncomfortable situation of having to choose sides. Also, well meaning friends trying to mediate may do more harm than good.

Say sorry as if you mean it. And, accept apologies gracefully. Holding on to your anger might make you feel powerful but, in the long run, it will harm both of you.

Accept that a relationship, like most things in life, takes work. If you are expecting the magic to last forever, you will have to put in the effort to make it last. If you both like hugs and kisses, supply them in abundance. Thoughtful gifts count more than expensive ones chosen by someone else.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)

ROOPSHA DASGUUPTA RAY

ROOPSHA DASGUUPTA RAY

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