Millennium Post

Love begins with understanding

I don't want to marry now. My parents insist that I get married to their friend's daughter this year. She's nice but I'm just not ready. How do I convince them?
Tanvir Alam, New Delhi
Just stick to your decision and don't do anything under pressure. Marriage and the decision to marry should never be taken under any kind of threat or compulsion. Parents will have their opinion but it is up to you to be firm and express your mind. If they keep insisting, meet the girl and talk to her about your plans of not getting married now. Get married only when your heart wants to. Good luck!
We eloped and married when I was 20 and he was 22. I am a mother of a three-year old now. I have recently discovered that my husband is having many extra-marital affairs. I'm shattered. How can I stop him?
Name not disclosed
It is not easy to really stop anyone from doing anything. But, you should do everything to try and stop this. Words, emotional blackmail, threats, tears – use every weapon possible to rectify this situation. Confront him directly and warn him about the ugly consequences that one has to face for adultery. The age is sometimes the reason why there is a lack of maturity and may be with time the situation will improve. Don't lose heart and fight it out with the person whom you love. Stay cool and be confident. All the best!
My boyfriend has hit me very hard last night. He had always been abusive but last night was a nightmare. What should I do? I love him.
S. Das, Kolkata
I'm sorry to hear it and my only suggestion would be to step away. Physical abuse is a crime. You should not tolerate this behaviour. Give the relationship a break. Ignore him and continue living life your way. Anger management is an essential part of life. He has to realise his mistake and ensure that this is never repeated. Till such time, do not give in. Let him be. Please take care and be happy.
How to find the right partner? How do I know?
Raju Kishore, New Delhi
You will know you are marrying the right person when you the feel support and encouragement about your own growth, both emotionally and intellectually. The right person will want you to be emotionally healthy and also able to stand on your own feet. When you are with the right person you will feel good about yourself, safe and fulfilled. The right person is someone who is your friend. Your love and your marriage will slowly fade if the two of you are not friends. The right person will trust you and not spy on you. Feeling as if you have to justify your every move will become a very heavy burden. May you find the 'right' person soon.
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