Look Before You Leap

We had an arranged marriage and now I feel horrible to see how stingy and miser my husband is. Please advise what I can do.

Neha Pal, West Bengal

Some tips to handle a stingy husband:

Let him know you have needs

Although there are some husbands that know you need the money but will still not be ready to spend, there are some that know not that you are in financial crisis. So tell him your needs, make a list and show what you need money for.

Buy him simple gifts

He might not be used to the idea of gifts and giving without any occasion. So on a good day, go shopping, buy something cheap, give it to him and keep repeating this as often as possible. With time, he'll probably learn to do the same, out of shame, guilt or whatever.

Empower yourself

If your husband is not making much, taking care of you, the children, himself and his extended family might be too much for him. This might frustrate him sometimes, thus, he might be venting it out on you by withholding money from you. Get a part time job, that'll allow you have time for your family and will also keep you financially independent.

If you were still single, I would have advised you to run away from a stingy man! A stingy man will not only be stingy with his money but control how you spend yours. And if a man is stingy when he's poor, be rest assured he'll be "stingier" when he's rich.

Should i date my best friend? We are together since childhood but I'm not sure about the next step. Please guide.

Prakaash Tandon, New Delhi

Best friendships can be incredibly intimate, rewarding, and special, but just because you're best friends with someone doesn't mean you should date them. Be honest about how you both feel, about what dating her would look like, and about how compatible your values really are. Then, it's up to you whether taking the leap is worth a shot. Spend time to analyze and look at this best friend of yours and decide if you actually have the compatibility for a relationship or just an amazing friendship. And if you don't feel confident, you may not want to ruin this great relationship.

I want to look sexy without trying. Is it possible?

T. G, Gurgaon

If you want to know how to look sexy without even trying, learn to love yourself and your life. Be happy and have fun every day. Being fun and alive is sexy. Have you ever seen gloomy people who are always pessimistic or negative in life? They're not very good company and they don't attract any sexy attention even if they're rather good looking. Be the life of the party, laugh and be cheerful and look at the bright side in everything. Happy people always look attractive and they make everything around them come alive like a burst of fresh air. Be that happy attractive person and you'll have potential mates lining up for your affection. Learn to respect yourself and consider yourself worthy of being respected by others, be it your friends or your own partner. When you're around people who love you and respect you, your own self worth will grow and you'll learn to be more confident. Confidence is sexy, try it.

I don't but my girlfriend insists on marriage by next year. I'm not prepared for this. How to convince her?

Name unknown

If you don't want to marry your girlfriend, please open up and tell her clearly what is on your mind. No one benefits from a one-sided wedding. Our society considers marriage to be a pinnacle of existence for women. But that is not what the society feels in case of a man.

So explain it to your girlfriend what kind of a relationship you are looking at. Reassure her that just because you are not interested to get married does not mean that you love her any less. Let her decide on what she wants with the relationship.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)