Living in the moment

I have started liking a new colleague in our team. How do I make him notice me?

M Smith, West Bengal

Getting someone to notice you take more than great makeup and cute clothes. Find out what you have in common, and chat him up about that. Smile, and be yourself. If your love interest doesn't notice you and doesn't seem to return the attraction when you've spent time together, gotten to know each other, and you've even flirted a little, it may be time to move on to someone else. If he's not into you, find someone equally fabulous who is interested in you. Find someone who loves you.

I'm 15 and since the last 2 years have been dating a school senior. He's 18 now and I'm worried as he doesn't want to commit future. I know he loves me too but this is keeping me disturbed. What should I do?

Parvathi, New Delhi

As a teenager, you're still figuring out who you are going to be – and this can lead to differences in a desire for commitment in young relationships. It's common for one person to want a long-term commitment while the other person does not return feelings at the same level, or is simply not ready for a long-term commitment at a young age. When commitment and feelings aren't reciprocated, it can become difficult for a relationship to continue. If you are the one pushing for commitment, stop and ask yourself what you want. If you want to enjoy spending time with someone you care about, try to focus on 'now' instead of what may happen many years down the road. You still have plenty of growing and developing to do.

My girlfriend dumped me after she moved to Delhi for higher studies. She had insisted that I too should join a college there but due to family issues, I have stayed back. I'm deeply hurt and feel depressed.

T Ghosh, Kolkata

Take a deep breath. Just because the relationship didn't work out, it doesn't make you less of a person. Set a time limit for yourself to be sad. After that, be your fabulous self. Enjoy being single for a while, fill your weekends with things you love to do, and the right person will show up eventually. Getting dumped does hurt your ego, but enlist your best friends and closest family members in helping you remember everything you have to offer.

Last few months my husband and I are not into any physical relation. There is a growing incompatibility and I fear that if this continues, we might separate. Please help with your valuable suggestion.

Name withheld

If your husband wants to be sexual with you in a way that does not interest you or that makes you anxious, consider being flexible and stepping out of your comfort zone to make it more interesting for him (and perhaps also for you). While we don't have to comply with our spouses' entire request list, sexual or otherwise, it's generally worth doing so – unless you have a very good reason not to. Marriage is hard and it's made easier when both partners make ongoing earnest efforts to be collaborative. While sex is important, there are other important components of a marriage. There will be ways for the two of you to work on this issue as a couple before taking a step that could negatively impact your marriage. And if you get stuck as you explore the possibilities, consider a skilled couple therapist immediately. All the best!

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