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Learning to move on

If someone is doing nothing but draining your life, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell them:“This relationship is no longer right for me, so I must end it – I must move on”

I'm in a wrong relationship. I'm broken. What can I do?

T. Mathur, New Delhi

Several actions can be taken to rid ourselves of negative relationships. First, you can attempt to fix the relationship. Explain that you're not attempting to change them as a person; you simply want to change how your relationship works. Finally, ask them what they'd like to change about the relationship. Ask them how you can add more value. Listen attentively, act accordingly. And when you have tried enough and you're still unable to change the relationship, you can end it altogether. This is incredibly difficult, but it applies to any relationship. If someone is doing nothing but draining your life, it's perfectly acceptable to tell them "This relationship is no longer right for me, so I must end it – I must move on."

My daughter is seeing a guy from a different religion. She's just joined college and refuses to end the relation. We hail from a very conservative Hindu family.

Mrs. A Mukherjee, Kolkata

As a college-going adult, your daughter surely has an idea about her family and its background. If she is in a relation with a guy, I'm sure she understands the consequences. You'll can surely speak to her and explain your expectations and concerns. But the chance of letting the relation go is minimal. Time is the only factor that can alter things and lets hope everything happens for the best. Handle it with patience and peace.

I have fallen in love many times and nothing seems to work. I get hurt yet I can't stop myself from proposing. Please advise what I should do?

Name unknown

If you give your heart to everyone you meet the chances are that you will get it broken almost as many times as you give it away. This can be particularly painful for someone who is in 'love' because they are very open and sensitive to begin with and will experience every rejection at a deep level, even if it is only after a couple of dates. Although you may not have much choice over how many times you feel for someone, but you do have some choice over how often you express it and who you fall in love with. Choose wisely and declare after being sure of the love or the lover. Hold onto to your temptation to propose. Be sure before you dive. Good luck.

My son is in the 12th standard. He has friends who are much older than him. What can we do?

Neha Gupta, New Delhi

To begin with, I would want to know why you are feeling annoyed. Is it because of the fact that they are older and you fear that they may turn out to be a bad influence on him or is it just that you don't know what kind of a friendship they share? These older friends could also be helping your son get through life more easily and be true shoulders to lean on. Talk to him as a friend and have a heart-to-heart chat and your problems will get sorted. Try to bridge the gap and be a genuine friend who he can rely on. Don't jump to conclusions and stress unnecessarily.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)

ROOPSHA DASGUUPTA RAY

ROOPSHA DASGUUPTA RAY

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