Learn to Live

My wife is having an affair and she has left me. Can you help me identify the reason behind her actions? I'm shattered and depressed.

Name withheld

We marry because we are in love, and we fall in love with those who meet our most important requirement – emotional need. When the one we marry stops meeting those emotional needs, we become vulnerable to others who are willing and also able to fulfil them. If we let someone else meet our needs, we fall in love with that person, and an affair is off and running. Once an affair begins, it is like an addiction. The same emotional attachment that drew you and your spouse into marriage is now directed to someone else. So, time shall decide the future. Don't worry, all will happen for the best. Don't be depressed. Focus on either mending the relationship with your wife or building yourself strongly.

My wife is getting very cold. Since the last few years, she comes back from work very late and takes no interest in anything physical! We have a seven-year-old son and as a mother she does her duty. As a partner, she's never there. What should I do?

J. Singh, Noida

Did you try speaking to her? Don't chase her but ask her what the problem is. Do not neglect this as it will only create more distance. Sometimes work related stress leads to fatigue that might affect your relationship. Or may be, there's something that has changed in you and is having a silent effect on her. There could be other reasons too. But, let's be positive and try to fix it. Plan a vacation, preferably just the two of you. This will heal the situation and help bridge the gap. Try to ignite the physical element as that really impacts the marriage. Be alert, sensitive and spend a lot of time chatting and being with her. Wish you good luck and I'm sure, soon the sun will shine again.

I can't trust anyone. I feel everyone is selfish. Is this abnormal? Please help.

R. Saha, West Bengal

At first, I request you to have confidence in yourself. If you have a positive inner self, nobody can scar it. It is indeed a fact that in the present time, there seems to be a difference between the face and the mask people wear. People do have hidden agendas which may conflict your expectations. The best way to be a happier individual is to have less emotional involvement. Give every association the time it requires before you give in or open up completely. Selfish people do exist but alongside exist good souls. Life will bring both. Wish you the luck to differentiate between the two. Avoid worrying and just be yourself.

My wife earns more than me and she acts bossy and rude with the family. What can be done?

T. Kunal, New Delhi

If you are sure that her financial strength is the reason for your unhappiness, please try and work some better arrangements for yourself. Try and earn more, if possible. I do not know your profession but in today's time, multiple sources of earning is becoming vital for survival. In the mean time, try and express your heart to her. If she loves you, she might change her behavior. Don't try your hands at something beyond you. Try your best to manage the relationship and hope she will change someday. Don't lose heart and be brave enough to be happy no matter what the hurdles around you are.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)