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Millennium Post

Juggling your emotions

Don’t ever forget your worth. The moment you tolerate disrespect and disregard, you set precedent.

Why do I always fall for the wrong relationship? Should I fall in love again?
Name unknown
Before you engage in another act of love, ask yourself what your true intention is. Are you giving without expectation of receiving anything back in return? Are you keeping score? Or, is there a part of your giving that is rooted in the hopes that you will get love and acknowledgment in return? If there isn't a foundation of love, respect and commitment with the person you're dating, giving more and doing nice things will not cause them to love you more, it'll only result in you becoming increasingly attached. Don't ever forget your worth. The moment you tolerate disrespect and disregard, you set precedent. Do use your heart and head before you leap.
I'm not sure whether my boyfriend wants to marry me? What should be done?
S. Singh, New Delhi.
Needing more time could be a legitimate request. If this is his rationale for wanting to continue dating, a little patience and a renewed effort to date with intention might be the best approach. If, however, you have been dating with marriage on the horizon for several years, the question of whether your guy is stalling might not be a bad one. Rather than perseverating on this on your own, bring your concern to him. Ask him if he is sure you are the woman he wants to marry and ask him to take some time to examine that. Fix a timeline and act accordingly.
I'm four months pregnant and a mother of a six-year-old. I'm apprehensive about jealousy from my elder one. Please guide.
Jyoti Choudhury, West Bengal
Congratulations! I believe if there are benefits to having a new sibling, such as extra presents or special privileges, children are far less likely to feel resentment and jealousy. But, if the closeness that they previously experienced is suddenly gone and they are told that 'now they are big' they have to behave differently while the new baby is the centre of attention, resentment will follow. Discuss the baby's arrival with the child, be curious about what the child is feeling and thinking and answer every question they have. Do give lots of cuddles and attention to ensure that they feel equal party to this upcoming event.
Other strategies that can help include:
Asking the child for name suggestions;
Taking them shopping to purchase them a new item, and then they can choose for their new baby sister or brother;
Try giving them responsibility after the baby has arrived;
Ensure that you still have one-on-one time with your child – colour in or play blocks while a newborn baby is sleeping;
Keep talking to them and show them that you still notice what's going on.
I want to control my tears. How can I?
Name unknown
Crying as a part of human emotions is completely normal. It is important that you don't force yourself to stop crying because your tears help you express grief, anger, sadness, and joy. Yet, in situations, we have to learn to control the tears too. I suggest, don't blink, don't move your eyeballs, don't shake your head. Just stare at the ceiling or the sky and take a deep breath. This way, you can prevent tears rolling down your face. And, in your mind, try thinking about the beautiful days of your life and sweet memories. Sometimes the funniest things said by your friends during all those boring lectures, or even that funny meme you found on Facebook will uplift your spirit.
(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)
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