GETTING IT RIGHT

I'm getting married next year. Should we live separately or with in- laws? What is your opinion?

Name withheld

It depends on your equation with your in-laws. If you feel comfortable, then you should definitely try to do what everyone expects. But at the same time, it is true that newlyweds need privacy. It's the only way to have intimacy, get to know each other better and to build your own family. Although it will be more difficult to have privacy when living with the in-laws, there are things you can do. Even if you have a small home or apartment, you should designate certain areas that are perhaps just yours. All the better if you and your in-laws can have your own apartments within the same complex or building. Then, you don't have to see each other all the time and it might be more pleasant for all. Wish you a happy life.

My daughter, 29, is highly educated and well placed. She is determined to settle with a man she met on a matrimony website. She thinks he is very eligible while we think he is average. We are very worried.

Mrs. Singh, New Delhi

As parents, you will always worry as you will want the best for your child. But you should also trust her. She is old enough to decide her future and she will use her liberty. Express your concern but try to have faith on her. Try to meet the man she is dating and begin to know him too. Don't remain worried about her life and lose the happy moments tucked in every day. Your life and its happiness is your first priority. Do everything wisely and make her feel comfortable with her decision. I wish her the best and hope the best for you too.

Our only son is a businessman and has developed ugly drinking habits. He regularly comes home in an unstable condition. What should we do?

Mrs and Mr Kaur, New Delhi

You should have a breakfast table chat with him. As parents, express your concern in a friendly manner. Try to understand his reasons for the excessive drinking. Don't get into any arguments. Look and sound hurt, concerned (which you are) but not nagging. Parents, their precious teardrops, sincere requests and endless love sometimes have tremendous effect on kids. You can also take some inputs from your doctor who can advise you on ways to treat alcoholism. Seek professional help from rehabilitation centers, if needed. Good luck.

My mother doesn't live with us. After my parents divorced she had moved to Singapore. I miss her always. I'm in Class 6. How to cope with this?

Name withheld

I'm sorry to know about this. Life is life and we have to accept it. The wonderful thing about a mother is that no matter how far away she might be, you'll always be cosmically connected. But nonetheless, bring it to both your parents' notice how much you miss your mother and long to be with her. Video chat with her and stay connected on phone as much as possible. Request her to allocate a schedule everyday where you both spend time chatting without distraction and disturbances. Make visit plans with her and ensure that she is aware of the void you feel. Be strong.

Focus on your studies and other things that make you feel better. Take care.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)