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FORGIVE BUT DON'T FORGET

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget – the wise though forgive but do not forget

FORGIVE BUT   DONT FORGET
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I became physically intimate with my teacher when I was in high school. He called me last week and wanted to meet. I'm 26 years old now and my husband does not know about it. Should I meet him or ignore him?

Name withheld

I suggest that you try to have a telephonic conversation with him before you make up your mind. Try to know why he has surfaced suddenly. If after everything you still want to catch up, meet at a public place and don't spend too much time with him. If you are not willing to meet him, be firm and express your decision politely. Whatever you do, depending on your relationship status with your husband, please decide whether or not you should share and how you should convey it to him.

I feel that my husband and I are in a very competitive relationship. I don't know why and how to solve this.

Name withheld

If a man has to compete with a woman for control of the relationship, he not only feels inadequate but also like there's no place for his masculinity in his woman's life. Keep this in mind: it's very important.

This isn't to say that a man should control the entire relationship, that's unfair to both parties. Rather, a successful relationship has complementary forces where each person relinquishes control in certain areas. If he felt like you were against him instead of for him, he never felt fully capable of opening his heart because he was afraid of losing the "game" and getting hurt. Talk it out, spend quality time and make him feel special and desirable.

Don't lose heart and hope. Hold on and hold tight. All the best.

I just delivered a baby and have also gained some weight. My husband is avoiding me since then. Please guide.

Maahi, New Delhi

Are you absolutely sure that there is no other reason for your husband to ignore you? Post childbirth, women are anyway sensitive and there could be some other reason too! I suggest, speak to him and propose a plan of yoga, gym or walks together. Visit a proper dietician and take care of your diet.

Alongside, don't let love fade and do everything to keep the romance alive. Sometimes a hug or kiss might also do wonders. Concentrate on your relationship and enjoy the joyride.

As I'm growing older, I am losing interest in women. I don't feel turned on. Am I turning gay? I'm feeling very guilty about it.

Name withheld

If you are gay, know that there are many gay, lesbian, bisexual and straight people all over the world who have been through your situation. The doubt, the nagging guilt, the uncertainty – they've all been through it. Try not to think of your new sexual revelation as a burden; instead, think of it as liberation.

There is nothing wrong with being gay. You are no less of a person for being who you are.

Celebrate being you and be happy!

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)

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