Find your own happiness

I am in a wrong relationship and feel completely broken. What can I do?

Name withheld, Kolkata

Several actions can be taken to rid ourselves of negative relationships.

First, you can attempt to fix the relationship. Explain that you're not attempting to change them as a person – you simply want to change how your relationship works. Finally, ask them what they'd like to change about the relationship. Ask them how you can add more value. Listen attentively, act accordingly.

Or, if you're unable to change the relationship, you can end it altogether. This is incredibly difficult but applies to any relationship. If someone is doing nothing but draining your life, it's perfectly acceptable to tell them, "This relationship is no longer right for me, I must end it – must move on." Do what is right for you.

I lost my husband four years ago, I'm 42 now. I don't know whether to remarry or not. What's your view?

G. Parekh, New Delhi

Your life, your choice. If you truly feel that you want to settle down, please do. If that inch of doubt remains, wait for the one who might wipe the 'whether or not' syndrome someday. If love rules, please follow the heart. If it doesn't, just live your life the way that makes you happy. Time is the only power and you should be your boss. Don't take any decision unless you are sure about it.

My daughter, 32, is highly educated and well placed. She is determined to settle with a guy she met over a matrimony website. She thinks he is very smart while we think he is not suitable for her. He's running a small dealership. We are very worried.

– DC, West Bengal

As parents you will always worry as you will want the best for your child. As parents, you should also trust her. She is old enough to understand her future. She will use her liberty to do what she wants. Express your concern but try to have faith on her. Try to meet the man she is dating and begin to know him as well. Don't remain over worried about your life and lose the happy moments tucked in everyday. Your life and it's happiness is your first priority.

Choose everything wisely. I wish her the best and hope the best for you too.

My husband beats me up. We are married for last 5 years and we have a 1 year old son. I'm living in hell. What can I do?

Name withheld

To allow a man (or anyone) to put their hands on you is a form of mental destruction. Such domestic violence is the worst thing you can allow your child to witness. Unfortunately people have the habit of repeating these sick actions if they are not stopped the very first time. I suggest you stand up and fight it out. Take strong steps and if need be, involve your family or close friends to seek legal advice. Keeping quiet and tolerating is no sign of showing strength or love. You will lose your mental peace, confidence and gradually be depressed.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)