Costs of poor communication

I am 34 years old housewife. My husband is heading a reputed company. He doesn't approve my association with his colleagues and friends. I feel lonely. What should I do?

Mrs. T. Puri, New Delhi

I strongly suggest you to do something on your own. Learn some skill or spend time nurturing some hobby. Your problem of passing time will be solved and you will feel independent too. This will also expand your world and you will meet more and more people, make new friends. When you have your own group your husband should not have any problem. May be he is not comfortable and you should respect his feelings. Go ahead, spend your life your way and don't feel neglected or hurt. You have all the liberty to choose your path of happiness and friends.

I am 42 and divorced. My husband left me for another woman. I am very scared to get into a new relationship. Now it is just hard to trust. How to come out from this terrible situation.

Name withheld

Blaming the men of the universe for a single person is really not justified. Now you will have to help yourself by deciding what you want in your partner. Your previous experience itself will help you a lot. For getting into another relationship, I would advise to keep both your eyes and mind open. It may be a good idea to visit a counselor and discuss the whole thing before taking any decision. That would help you in rescuing from the unnecessary burden of betrayal and help you move ahead positively.

I want to be a good public speaker. But I feel very nervous when I have to talk in front of unknown people. Please guide.

Rani Kumari, Noida

If you are afraid to speak in public, don't feel bad, you are not alone. Over 40 per cent of the adult population is. In fact, fear of speaking in public is one of the highest ranked fear that all people have. Don't panic. If you take some time to plan it out, you'll do ok. Preparation is the key. If you know what you are talking about, you won't feel as nervous or flustered. Try to anticipate what questions others may have and be ready with an answer. Once you've done this, practice out loud somewhere by yourself if possible at first, then in front of a friend or coworker later if it's important. Try to relax. Breathe deeply. Don't say anything about being nervous to your audience.You may do better than you expect. Try not to speak too fast, semi slow and clear is the way to go. Keep things simple and to the point. Public speaking is a valuable tool you can learn and use throughout your life. The more you practice it and gain confidence the better you will get. Good luck!

We are married for 7 months. It was an arranged marriage and I fear my wife is in a relationship. She isn't accepting this and continues to be in touch with the guy. Should I allow her doing what she is doing or should I withdraw myself from the marriage before it gets dirty?

Name withheld

Sometimes we imagine things to be true only because we feel it is. The reality could be far away from the imagination. I suggest, you be a friend to her and ask her what she expects you to do in the given situation. Explain your fear, express your insecurity to her and give her a chance to express her point. You both need to be great friends for the marriage to work. With time the bond should become stronger and she should know that you understand and love her.

Don't suspect her and make it worse. Let her know that you respect her decision and would support her. I strongly believe, she wouldn't let you down. Best wishes for a peaceful life ahead.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)