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Millennium Post

COLOURS OF LOVE

Life is full of crazy experiences – some amazing, some terrible.But letting yourself feel is one of the greatest things you can do.

I am a 25-year-old man. My girlfriend had a crush on a guy a long time ago. She hasn't spoken to him in almost a year now. However, she still keeps talking about him all the time. How do I make her stop talking about the other guy?
Vir, New Delhi
Are you sure your girlfriend is aware of the heartache she is causing you? Sometimes people do things unintentionally, unknowingly. Please stop fuming over this communication gap only in your heart and try telling her how you feel. Express. I am sure she will understand and you guys will be fine together. Just be open about your feelings and don't worry so much. Love is always meant to go a long way if it is true. Talk it out, sort it out and sail smoothly. Good luck!
My wife earns more than me and she acts bossy and rude with the family. What can be done?
A. Das, Kolkata
If you are sure that her financial strength is the reason for your unhappiness, please try and work some better arrangements for yourself. I do not know your profession, but in today's time, multiple sources of earning are becoming vital for survival. In the meantime, try and express your heart to her. If she loves you, she might change her behavior. Don't try your hands at something beyond you. Try your best to manage the relationship and hope she will change someday. Don't lose heart and be brave enough to be happy at whatever cost.
I'm in love with a man for more than 4 years. This is a one-sided feeling and I'm unable to come to terms with it. Can you help me, please?
Name unknown
Here are few things to analyse.
a) Realise it's not you, it's the situation. When we have feelings for someone who we find out doesn't feel the same way back, our first response is to ask what's wrong with us. Repeat after me: "there is nothing wrong with me" Feels good, doesn't it? So stop trying to find what to change about yourself, and realise you're just in a situation that you can't change.
b) Don't invalidate your feelings. The second thing we're most likely to do in one-sided love situations is to make ourselves think we're crazy for having the feelings we do. So, you have feelings. Guess what? That means you're not a robot. Good for you! Feelings are weird, and sometimes you can't explain where they come from, and most of the time you can't control them. Anyone who mocks your feelings or emotions is a person you don't need in your life.
c) Recognise all the doubled-sided loves in your life. One-sided love can leave you feeling pretty bad. It also makes us forget that love comes in so many forms, and we've got a lot of things and people in our lives who love us just as much back. It's easy to let yourself feel alone when romantic love isn't reciprocated, but friend-love and family-love are constant and powerful. Whether it's music, cooking, religion, the arts – find those things and spend time with them. You'll begin to feel like yourself again in no time and realise just how loveable you truly are.
d) Move on. Life is full of crazy experiences – some amazing, some terrible. You go through a lot of pain too – especially in these years of our lives. But letting yourself feel is one of the greatest things you can do. Life can be a beautiful thing if you let it. I'm still learning along with you all, no prophet here.
But I do know that when all else fails, dancing to your favorite song will always do the trick. Don't feel so heartbroken. It is not worth it.
I'm 23 doing my MBA. I seem to fall in love all the time. Is something wrong with me?
Babu Prakash, New Delhi
This isn't a bad thing, and it doesn't mean that someone like this is desperate or needy, simply that they are more vulnerable to falling for people who don't reciprocate their feelings or who are scared off by the strength of their emotions. Being someone who falls in love easily is an advantage when it comes to dating because you don't have to dismantle your own fears and defenses to let someone in but imagine if you could only give your gift of love once more in your life. This would mean you would be much more discerning about who received it – they would have to be someone very special, who you got to know well, to ensure that they were the right person before you ever said those three little words and gave them your heart.
(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)

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