BRING IT ON

I can't trust anyone. Why?

Tina Jha, Noida

We are afraid to trust others because we fail to trust ourselves. We don't trust our ability to make things right, we don't trust ourselves to get things done or even find solutions; we don't trust our ability to open up and rebuild everything that was lost again. It's simple, if you are confident and you trust yourself then it doesn't even matter if others fail to uphold your expectations. You can simply trust them because you know you won't be affected by their failures. But if they hold on to your trust and live up to your expectations, then my friend, you will find life more beautiful. Learn to trust yourself first, the rest will follow.

How do I handle sibling rivalry between my kids aged 9 and 13?

Mrs. J. Gomes, New Delhi

Stay calm, quiet and in control. Pay attention to what your kids are doing so you can intervene before a situation begins to escalate. Keep your cool, and your kids will learn to do the same.

Create a cooperative environment. Avoid comparing your children or favouring one over the other or encouraging competition between them. Instead, create opportunities for cooperation and compromise. And don't forget to set a good example. Celebrate individuality. Children are less likely to fight if they feel appreciated. Let each child know they are special.

Plan fun family time. Family dinners, vacations and activities are a great way for children to bond and share positive memories together. These moments give children less incentive to pick fights with each other.

Treat kids fairly – not equally. For parents, fairness is essential. But fair doesn't always mean equal. Punishments and rewards should be tailored to your children's individual needs. Hope this helps. Good luck.

I'm in love with a married man. I don't know whether he feels the same way as he won't leave his family. He's my boss and I don't know what to do.

Name withheld

You're in love with a man who loves his wife – this isn't a relationship, and it's going nowhere. If he had any feelings for you, he would have given you an indication by now, but instead he's made it clear to you that his loyalty lies elsewhere. All you are doing is trapping yourself in a one-sided unhappy affair. Ideally, I think you should find yourself another job, but if that's not possible, take an extended period of leave. You need to shake up your life up in order to break away from the trap you're currently in.

I got engaged and now my fiancé is forcing me to get physical. We are getting married in November. I'm not sure about taking this step.

Name withheld

This is completely your personal decision. If you like him, you have faith and you are comfortable, you surely can get closer. It is completely up to you and should not be controlled on what he wants or expects. Maybe in some more time you will feel complete being with him. Don't rush it. Two people stay a lifetime only when they respect each other's opinions. Your partner will surely understand you and help overcome the inhibition. Do what you feel is right and explain yourself to him. All the best.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)