I was living in a hostel. I had got physically involved with my batch mate. I'm not gay but I find him attractive. What should I do?
Name not given, West Bengal
You could be bisexual. And if you feel uneasy about that, you really have to sit back and understand your own sexual preference. Nobody can do that for you! In the long run, you need clarity about your own self. Bisexuality is no crime but this might affect your sexual life in future. Please have all necessary precautions and don't have unprotected closeness with anyone. Be cool, take it easy.
I'm in love with a man for more than 3 years. This is a one-sided feeling but I'm unable to come in terms with it. Can you help me please.
Rani Vyas, New Delhi
a) Realise it's not you, it's the situation. When we have feelings for someone who we find out doesn't feel the same way back, our first response is to ask what's wrong with us. Repeat after me: "there is nothing wrong with me''. Feels good doesn't it? So stop trying to find what to change about yourself, and realize you're just in a situation you can't change.
b) Don't invalidate your feelings. The second thing we're most likely to do in one-sided love situations is make ourselves think we're crazy for having the feelings we do. So, you have feelings. Guess what? That means you're not a robot. Good for you! Feelings are weird, and sometimes you can't explain where they come from, and most of the time you can't control them. Anyone who mocks your feelings or emotions is a person you don't need in your life.
c) Recognise all the doubled-sided loves in your life.One-sided love can leave you feeling pretty bad. It also makes us forget that love comes in so many forms, and we've got a lot of things and people in our lives who love us just as much back. It's easy to let yourself feel alone when romantic love isn't reciprocated, but friend-love and family-love are constant and powerful. Whether it's music, cooking, religion, the arts – find those things and spend time with them. You'll begin to feel like yourself again in no time and realize just how loveable you truly are.
d) Move on. Life is full of crazy experiences – some amazing, some terrible. You go through a lot of pain too – especially in these years of our lives. But letting yourself feel is one of the greatest things you can do. Life can be a beautiful thing if you let it. I'm still learning along with you all, no prophet here.
But I do know that when all else fails, dancing to your favorite song will always do the trick. Focus on your happiness and be happy. You are your first priority.
3. I have a boyfriend. We are in college together and spend a lot of time. I meet his mother at his place and feel that she is giving negative vibes. How to overcome this?
If you two are happy and together, nothing should matter. If it is just a feeling you have, I sincerely suggest – take it slow. While in college, most of us go through phases of emotions and relationships. With time things will settle. Time will also heal and ease. Be decent, polite and respectful to your friend's family. Give everything its due time and good will surely become better.
My dad is an abusive alcoholic and beats us up every day! My mother is educated but has been always a housewife. I'm 17 and want to stop this forever. Can you suggest, Mam.
I strongly believe - domestic violence shouldn't be tolerated! Don't worry about your mom, she will be able to support you, and I am sure you have other family and friends that can help you overcome. She can do far better than having an abusive partner around. And if she does struggle, it's better to accept help from friends and family than to live through hell everyday. You can also inform the local police, seek some local legal help or social activists can also step in to provide support. Try to seek help and advice from a trusted person close to your family who might be there to support this difficult phase of your life. Please don't lose hope. Gather fear, face and emerge once and for all. Good luck.
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