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Millennium Post

ACCEPT YOUR FLAWS

You shouldn’t get married to escape a situation – that rarely ends in a happily ever after. Take time and find a partner who touches your heart and soul.

I can't accept my break up. I really love him for many years. What to do?
Ritu, Kolkata
Acceptance can only happen when the subconscious mind makes sure that the event is irreversible. Most people who want to stop loving someone prevent themselves from accepting the fact that they can't have him by doing the following:
Visualising the good old memories
Keeping all the things that reminds them of him (text messages, e-mails, etc)
Never confront the person directly and keep the door open for hope
All of these practices keep hope present and, as a result, prevent acceptance from happening. If you want to stop loving that person you should first accept what happened by confronting him and making sure that he has no intentions to resume the relationship. The second thing you should do is deleting the mails, the text messages and removing everything that reminds you of him. Preventing yourself from thinking about him is another very important task, I know that sometimes thoughts flow involuntary, but at least you can prevent these involuntary thoughts from growing bigger.
We had a love marriage but now we are divorced since 2010. At present, I'm seeing a woman for the past few months. I don't know what is the future of this relationship.
Name not known
We marry because we are in love, and we fall in love with those who meet our most important requirement – emotional need. When the one we marry stops meeting those emotional need, we become vulnerable to others who are willing and able to meet them. If we let someone else meet our needs, we fall in love with that person, and an affair is off and running. Once an affair begins, it is like an addiction. The same emotional attachment that drew you and your spouse into marriage is now directed to someone else. So, time shall say the future. Don't worry, all will happen for the best. Enjoy your present with all your soul and heart.
I'm 23 and my parents insist on an arranged marriage next year. I'm just not sure about this 'arranged marriage'. Can you suggest how to be sure?
Tanika, New Delhi
It's your life ultimately and the choice is up to you. I don't think you should enter an arranged marriage to keep your parents happy. It's your life, not theirs. Whatever you decide to do, be guilt free. Know that asserting some independence does not make you a bad person and you shouldn't let them make you feel otherwise, even if it means avoiding them. But you need to ask yourself one most important question – are you sure you're ready for marriage? You shouldn't get married to escape a situation because that rarely ends with a happily ever after. Take time, find a man who touches your heart and then decide.
I love someone who is a compulsive flirt. He has relations with many. Many 'close friends' as he says. I still can't get over this. I hope he will love me someday and realise my emotions.
R. Chatterjee, Kolkata
Don't be hopeful that the music will play and the prince will ride the white horse your way. He seems like a player, the one who keeps an excel sheet to maintain database of his 'really close friends'! Suggest, you carry on your life and don't expect much of this man. He looks like the sort who doesn't know what he wants from his own love life! It's good to hope, but sometimes that indeed is a hopeless exercise. It's a gamble you are playing. Don't hurt yourself, dear.
(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)
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