I’m in love with a man for more than three years. It is a one-sided <g data-gr-id="104">feeling</g> but I’m unable to come to terms with it. Can you help <g data-gr-id="102">me</g> please.
a) Realise it’s not you, it’s the situation. When we have feelings for someone who we find out doesn’t feel the same way back, our first response is to ask what’s wrong with us. Repeat after me: “there is nothing wrong with me’’. Feels good doesn’t it? So stop trying to find what to change about yourself, and realise you’re just in a situation you can’t change.
b) Don’t invalidate your feelings. The second thing we’re most likely to do in one-sided love situations is make ourselves think we’re crazy for having the feelings we do. So, you have feelings. Guess what? That means you’re not a robot. Good for you! Feelings are weird, and sometimes you can’t explain where they come from, and most of the time you can’t control them. Anyone who mocks your feelings or emotions is a person you don’t need in your life.
c) Recognise all the <g data-gr-id="118">doubled-sided</g> loves in your life. One-sided love can leave you feeling pretty
bad. It also makes us forget that love comes in so many forms, and we’ve got a lot of things and people in our lives who love us just as much back. It’s easy to let yourself feel alone when romantic love isn’t reciprocated, but <g data-gr-id="119">friend-love</g> and <g data-gr-id="120">family-love</g> are constant and powerful. Whether it’s music, cooking, religion, the arts – find those things and spend time with them. You’ll begin to feel like yourself again in no time and realise just how loveable you truly are.
d) Move on. Life is full of crazy experiences – some amazing, some terrible. You go through a lot of pain too – especially in these years of our lives. But letting yourself feel is one of the greatest things you can do. Life can be a beautiful thing if you let it. I’m still learning along with you all, no prophet here.
But I do know that when all else fails, dancing to your favourite song will always do the trick.
I have a boyfriend. We are together in college and spend a lot of time with each other. I meet his mother and felt some negative vibes.
How to overcome the feeling?
If you two are happy and together nothing should matter. If it is just a feeling you have, I sincerely suggest – take it slow. While in college, most of us go through phases of emotions and relationships. With <g data-gr-id="108">time</g> things will settle. Time will also heal and ease. Be decent, polite and respectful to your friend’s family. Give everything its due time and good will surely become better.
My girlfriend has had many relationships. She has spoken to me about <g data-gr-id="107">it</g> but I can’t help feel jealous. I love her but am confused about our future. What to do?
Danny, New Delhi
Life is always a journey and we all have <g data-gr-id="124">a past</g>. It is good that you are aware of her life. You should not stop loving her because of her yesteryear. I completely understand that insecurity and jealousy might <g data-gr-id="126">seep</g> in sometimes. Don’t let that become too extreme though. You can’t change the past, but you can forget and forgive it. Forgiving doesn’t mean the initial hurt is going to go away, it means that you are consciously making a choice to love her. It’s not too easy. But you have to make the choice that she, who she is now, is more important than her past. The present will decide the future. This is going to take time. It’s <g data-gr-id="127">upto</g> you to fight this battle. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s an action. You have to prove love by loving the person completely. Good luck!
I think I’m becoming an Internet shopping addict. How to put a stop to this!
When you have realised your weakness, I’m sure you are gradually curbing the desire to e-shop. This has to be <g data-gr-id="111">self driven</g>, just like most things under the planet. Each time you are getting allured, try and browse other things of your interest. Keep focused on areas where you will not land up spending while you are on the net. If the addiction is beyond repair, do not get into the web world for a while. Let your consciousness rule. Best wishes!
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