My husband snores a lot. I can’t sleep at night. Please guide what can be done.
Mrs. Mehta, Guragon
There are some couples who choose to have separate bedrooms. It works for some people, happily. They may go to one bedroom to watch TV, read or get close and then go to sleep in their respective bedrooms. Space in life is never a bad idea. You could also try to train a person to sleep on their side or stomach, which may help prevent snoring. You can prop pillows in a position so the snorer is on his side or stomach and can’t flip onto their back (the position which shoring is most likely to occur). You can nudge them to turn over, but if that doesn’t work, it may be a sign that your partner has obstructive sleep apnea (a problem that should be evaluated by a sleep specialist). He should try and avoid alcohol and eating late at night because it leads to more snoring. To save your situation, you can also try earplugs. Good luck.
I am a regular reader of your column and love reading it. I am in a relationship for last four years but in my mind, I know, it’s over. I don’t know how to convey to him. Please help!
Nishaa, New Delhi
Telling your boyfriend that your feelings for him have changed is going to be painful for both of you. It is important to prepare what you want to say in advance so you can make your feelings clear and express yourself without getting emotional. Practice what you are going to say several times before talking to your boyfriend. Modern technology makes it easy to avoid difficult conversations, but few things are more painful than receiving a breakup text or email. Unless your boyfriend has become violent or threatening, you owe him the courtesy of a face-to face conversation. Arrange a time to meet with him in person but choose a public place like a coffee shop. Giving him the bad news in person will show that you still care about his feelings even if you don’t love him anymore. If your boyfriend still has feelings for you, he may try to convince you not to break up with him. This is why it is important to be emotionally strong when you talk to him. Staying in a relationship when your emotions have cooled isn’t fair to either of you. If you truly don’t have feelings for him anymore, you need to stick to your guns and tell him that the relationship is over. Best wishes.
I live in Bangalore with my girlfriend. Since last year she has been beating me up almost everyday. Initially she was not so wild but now I’m scared and broken. Is it my fault? I have no answer!
You are being bullied and mentally and physically abused by your girlfriend! The first and most important thing to realise is that it’s absolutely not your fault. Every victim of domestic violence is beaten down into thinking the problem is theirs, but it’s not. Your girlfriend clearly needs counseling and anger management therapy to deal with her issues and discover what’s at the root of her violence. You didn’t mention, if her parents are aware of her behaviour. If they’re not, you ought to tell them. You have to walk away from this relationship. I’m sure if you explain the situation to your friends and family, people will be there to support you and offer you somewhere to stay in the short term. You cannot stay in an abusive situation. Get out now before your self-esteem is battered even further. Seek help and move on. Take care!
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