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‘Speak up strongly against domestic violence’

‘Speak up strongly against domestic violence’
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I’m 23, have been seeing a guy for last 1 year. But, I’m not sure whether it is love or just infatuation! Can you help?
Nikita, Jaipur

Nobody ‘gets’ you the way your sweetheart does. The connection you feel with him is out of this world. It’s as if you’ve known each other your entire life. You can barely stand to be apart. Are you focusing solely on how your partner makes you feel, both good and bad? How empty life feels when you are apart from each other? How you want your partner to change so that you can maintain the high? How you’ve never felt like this before and the relationship is everything you’ve ever wanted? Do you feel more whole now because this person is in your life? Chances are, when you’re obsessing on what you’re feeling, needing and wanting from the relationship, you’re experiencing an immature, attachment-focused infatuation, not real love.

Hi! I come from a small town in Kanpur. I’m a student and I live with my uncle in the city. I’m 17 and I’m not sure whether I’m gay. How can I be sure? I’m very worried!
Name unknown

You are gay if you are sexually or romantically attracted to the same sex. It can be confusing to know if you are Gay, Bi or Straight when you are still going through puberty. Not everyone grows through this period fully aware of their sexual identity. You should not label yourself at this age as it can all change by the time you have grown through and out of puberty.

Sexual urges come in many forms. When we are young, sexual orientation is mixed in with all kinds of dynamic and sometimes uncomfortable things that we are dealing with every moment. There is no need to seek labels for these experiences, and in fact labels are often more harmful than helpful. As we mature and begin to seek and form important relationships with individuals, the sexual piece gets clearer and clearer. 

It’s something you feel deep inside. You may not know for a while and be unsure, but it’s only something YOU know. No one else can tell you. Either way, listen to your heart and soul and trust that they will lead you in the direction that is right for you.

My husband beats me up. We have been married for last 4 years and I’m living in hell. What can I do? I’m so helpless!

S. Diwan, New Delhi
You should have left him the day he put his hands on you and repeated it. To allow a man (or anyone) to put their hands on you and stay around is a form of mental destruction. How does that make you feel about yourself? What story do you tell others about the bruises? If you have kids that is the worst thing you could allow them to witness. They will grow up either beating their partner or they will know that it is wrong and make sure they never duplicate. Unfortunately people have the habit of repeating these sick actions if they are not stopped the very first time. I suggest, stand up and fight it out. Take strong steps and if need be, involve your family or close friends to seek legal advice. Keeping quiet and tolerating is no sign of showing strength or love. You will lose your mental peace, confidence and gradually be depressed. We wish you good luck.

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