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'Sex is a pleasure only when it has the right feelings'

I come from a middle class background. My in-laws are better off financially than my family and we live in a joint family. They always insult me for my family’s financial status. How can I stop this?
Name withheld, Ranchi

It’s difficult to change people. Rather, it is impossible sometimes. I suggest, do speak your mind out to your husband and seek his help. He can try to speak to the others and explain your feelings. If it doesn't improve, try convincing your husband and demand to settle in a separate set up, away from your in-laws. Don’t let these external hazards cause any disturbance in your married life. 
Handle with care and I’m sure all will be fine.

I live in a hostel. One of my seniors is homosexual and tries to make advances towards me. I’m very scared of him but don’t know how to fight this out. Can you help?
Samrat, New Delhi

You have to be very careful. I suggest, you should approach  the ‘threat’ and be straight forward in explaining what you feel. 
Don’t be scared to face anything that appears to be a problem! If it still continues, share this with your peers in the hostel and a few of your seniors whom you can trust. Don’t threaten him but be firm in letting him know that you’re just not interested!

I had sex with my private tutor. He is married and is always telling me to continue having sex with him! I like him and don’t want to lose him either. But I feel guilty because he’s married! What do I do?
Name withheld

Don’t indulge in anything that you’re uncomfortable with. These relationships usually don’t have direction and end up painfully. Sex is a pleasure but only when infused with right, positive feelings. 
Try not to spend time alone with him anywhere. If need be, change the tutor - do not mix studies with physical pleasures as that is one thing that should be taken very seriously and teachers are meant to be idolised. 

However much you like him, his marital status will always be a problem. Don’t indulge in such guilty pleasures...it will end up hurting you a lot!

I’m a working woman and have been married for four years. We are not planning to have children now. But our parents are really insisting! This is annoying us. How do we  handle this?
Seema, Lucknow

Starting a family is a very important decision and a couple should mutually arrive at a decision before going ahead with it. This decision cannot be by dictated by anybody else! 

As a mother you would have the maximum responsibility towards the newborn. Please plan the baby only when you are physically, financially and emotionally prepared. 

Tell your family members that you’ll be planning a family soon. ‘Soon’ is an open ended term and let the chapter of parenthood happen naturally and peacefully!

Have a love or life query you cannot find an answer to? Send your questions to - roopshashotm@gmail.com
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