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Put a lid on bad habits

Put a lid on bad habits
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I want to be a good public speaker. But I feel very nervous when I have to deliver any presentation. Please guide.

V. Naresh, Ahmedabad

If you are afraid to speak in public, don’t feel bad you are not alone. Over 40% of the adult population is. In fact, fear of speaking in public is the highest ranked fear that all people have.. Don’t panic. If you take some time to plan it out, you’ll do fine. Preparation is key. If you know what you are talking about, you won’t feel as nervous or flustered. Try to anticipate what questions others may have and be ready with an answer. Once you’ve done this, practice out loud somewhere by yourself if possible at first then in front of a friend or coworker later if it’s important. Try to relax. Breathe deeply. 

If someone asks you a questions you don’t know or aren’t sure about, you can say something like ‘that’s a good question’ and think for a few seconds, then if you know the answer great, answer it, and if you don’t you can say you will check into it and get back to them. Don’t say anything about being nervous to your audience, some people may not notice and you don’t want to bring it to their attention if they don’t. You may do better than you expect. Try not to speak to fast, semi slow and clear is the way to go. Keep things simple and to the point. Try not to drag on if at all possible. You don’t want to bore your audience.

Public speaking is a valuable tool you can learn and use throughout your life. The more you practice it and gain confidence the better you will get. Good luck!

I have to confess. I have been stealing small things from here and there. I need to come out of it but don’t know how! Please help!

Name unknown

The term for someone who obsessively steals items is called ‘kleptomania’ and tends to be associated or caused by other disorders like obsessive-compulsive, paranoia, schizophrenia, etc. The psychology behind those who are kleptomaniacs is not specific and can vary from person to person.

If you’re young and you’re stealing little items here and there, it’s normal to get excited when you get away with it. However, it would be smart for you to reflect on yourself and your actions and realise that the risk of stealing is not worth the reward of not being allowed to your friends’ homes or people not trusting you!! You should exercise some self-control and stop NOW. This could develop into a habit you rely on and it’s never going to take you in a good direction. If you try to stop, and you find you can’t... You should seek some professional help. Good luck!

My fiancé recently told me that she had a very intimate relationship with her cousin who lives in Canada. Though the affair is over, I’m not being able to come in terms after I have heard this. What to do?

Balbinder, U.P

I think you should be happy that she has told you everything and hasn’t kept you in the dark. I think you should respect her honesty and let go of the past. It will be a bit difficult, yet the ghosts of the past shouldn’t be dragged into the present. Both of you have a good life ahead and if the love is true, these things won’t matter in the long run. Let go of the doubt before you get married. If the shadows linger and haunt, then please give ample time to recover. Trust and faith are absolutely mandatory and you cannot start any relation with any pinch of doubt.

Send your questions to –  roopshashotm@gmail.com

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