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Out of the closet

Out of the closet
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As I’m growing old, I am losing interest in women. I am not turned on at any level of closeness. Am I turning gay? I’m feeling very guilty about it.
R. Prakaash, New Delhi
Always remember that you are not alone. If you are gay, know that there are many, many gay, lesbian, bisexual and straight people all over the world who have been in your situation. The doubt. The nagging guilt. The uncertainty. They’ve all been through it. Try not to think of your new sexual revelation as a burden; instead, think of it as a liberation. There is nothing wrong with being gay. You are not any less of a person for being who you are.
 
I am single. Two years back I was in a relationship with a married man. He made false promises and during the course of time I figured his actual self. After this break up, I can’t focus on getting close to anyone. I have lost trust, it seems. How can I be normal again?                   
Devika, New Delhi
Most of us go through wrong relations and make incorrect decisions. Lucky are those who win and
continue to be in love with one individual forever. So don’t get so bothered with the past chapter. I know it’s difficult but please make an honest attempt to let go of the bad memories. Be open and meet new people. Don’t make plans, just flow.

Destiny is what decides our course and I’m absolutely confident that for the best to happen, we all have to face the worse.
 
I am 30 years old, married for a few months. Few days back, I came to know that my wife had physical relationships with men before we got married. She accepted it and I was ready to forgive her. But one of my friend’s wife told me that my wife hangs around a lot with her male colleagues. She advised me to take this matter seriously. But it is hard for me. I love my wife and don’t want to lose her. Please help.
Name unknown, Lucknow
Thanks for trusting me with your problem. Do not judge your wife by what has occurred in her past. In the present, you have no reason to suspect that she is being unfaithful to you. By listening to others and making your judgment, you are being very unfair to your wife. Try to protect your relationship. If you still have doubts about your wife, then please discuss with her. It is not about being broadminded; it is about trusting your partner and giving her the freedom to live happily.  
 
I was physically molested by a neighbour when I was six or seven years old. I am unable to forget the incident. How do I get out of it?
Name unknown
Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless and vulnerable in a dangerous world. I can understand how difficult this is. This is what I suggest you can try:

Stick to a daily routine, with regular times for waking, sleeping, eating, working, and exercise. Make sure to schedule time for relaxing and social activities, too.

Break large jobs into smaller, manageable tasks. Take pleasure from the accomplishment of achieving something, even it’s a small thing.

Find activities that make you feel better and keep your mind occupied (reading, taking a class, cooking, playing with your kids or pets), so you’re not dedicating all your energy and attention to focusing on the traumatic experience.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel when you feel it. Acknowledge your feelings about the trauma as they arise and accept them. Overcome the past and embrace the future!

Send your questions to -roopshashotm@gmail.com
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