No More a Civil Servant: Back from the brink

Anil, it is not good news. You have malignancy." This was my doctor-friend, Ambrish Mithal, on the phone. He was the one who had persuaded me to get the necessary tests done after some painless growth was detected in my groin and armpits. I had half expected it, as the tuberculosis treatment for this growth was not working, and the PET Scan had revealed growth in many parts of the body. Ambrish went on to explain that it was Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, cancer of lymph glands. Though I had lost my mother to cancer a few years ago, I did not have much of an idea of this variety of cancer. Hence, all that he told me made no sense except that I had been afflicted with this dreaded disease. My wife, Ruchi, was with me. My first reaction was to fight it out irrespective of the outcome. She was a step ahead. She looked unfazed and was confident that we would tide over the crisis. If there was any turmoil inside, she didn't show it. She remained that way right through the six-month trauma of debilitating medication called chemotherapy. It was her emotional strength that made all the difference.

I looked at the entire crisis differently. If I were to die, so be it. Everyone does someday. I had always believed in living in the moment and enjoying each one of it simply because I had no control over the consequences. This approach helped, and I continued to fire on all cylinders. In a sense, COVID was a blessing in disguise. We were cut off physically from most of the world during the past year and a half. Hence, this quarantine on account of lowered immunity made no difference. I was physically shattered because of extreme weakness, loss of appetite, intermittent nausea, loss of weight, strange sensations, high pulse rate, long sessions of hiccups and sleeplessness.

Consequently, I lost 10 kgs of weight (I had previously thought I did not have additional weight to shed) and gained ten years in age. All this made life extremely difficult. However, I was mentally as alert and as positive as ever, penning down my usual three articles every week and working on my next book, 'No More A Civil Servant'. However, the Webinars stopped after sometime. Intermittent appearances on television also were without the video feed because I could barely recognize myself in the mirror.

To begin with, I could continue with physical exercises. However, as the body became weaker, I gave that up. Even walking became difficult.

I was lucky to run into a very competent set of doctors at Max Hospital at Saket, New Delhi. Ambrish, who works in the same hospital, was a great help in introducing me to Dr Harit Chaturvedi, who performed the biopsy. He, in turn, put me across to Dr Rahul Naithani, a cool-headed doctor who knew his job. The experience otherwise with the hospital was a forgettable one. I have often wondered how and why such accomplished doctors work in a poorly managed environment. For a patient, it is even worse. The hospital is interested in "catching" you. You are a VIP till then, but you are left to the wolves once you are "caught". The only concern of the management is to make money somehow. Unfortunately, the doctors, who have nothing to do with this "mismanagement", get a bad name.

Some para-medical staff's incompetence and callous attitude must be experienced to be believed. You pay through your nose (though my bills were taken care of by the CHGS) yet get such poor service. My first experience was blood extraction for tests. The person just shoved the needle while engaging in a casual conversation with his colleague. My experience at Sir Gangaram hospital, where I went for PET Scan, was totally different. Here the para-medical staff was not only polite but competent. When I asked one of them how they managed such painless insertion of needles, I was pleasantly surprised at his response. He said that since all the patients that came to him were already in pain, they made an effort not to add to their misery.

Obtaining medical reports was another tragic experience at Max. Those at the front desk, almost always indifferent and sometimes even rude, have no clue. They make people run around for locating medical reports, and the callous indifference is pretty appalling. After each visit, the hospital takes regular feedback but follows up with no action.

Despite all the mismanagement, the hospital continues to attract patients on the strength of the quality of its doctors. My miraculous recovery in just six months after six rounds of chemotherapy can be attributed totally to Dr Naithani. However, the para-medical staff gave me an infection because of their incompetence in inserting the Cannula needle.

The news relating to my ailment was not kept a secret though I made no effort to share it with everyone. Still, many of my friends, former colleagues and relatives got to know of it. Their reaction ranged from disbelief to a variety of positive inputs. Many of them narrated cases where Lymphoma had been cured. All this helped enormously in staying positive. It was also extremely heartening to know that many cared and prayed for me.

In such a crisis, support from family is the key. I was lucky to have them around. For my wife, everything else became secondary as she committed full time to taking care of me. One of the fall-outs of chemotherapy was the loss of taste and appetite. She researched and cooked stuff that I could eat. There was never an occasion that she was found wanting, keeping awake with me during many sleepless nights to ensure that I was not put to any inconvenience. More than anything else, she never lost hope. My daughter, Aditi, and son, Apurv, lived elsewhere in Delhi. They had their own professional and personal commitments, but they ensured that at least one of them was around to assist my wife. Apurv also ferried me to the hospital and undertook the difficult task of engaging with the "people" at the hospital. In his absence, Divam, my son-in-law, deputized for him. During these six months, what I missed most was the company of my twin granddaughters, Dviti and Srisha.

It was an arduous journey, perhaps one of the very few in my life, that I did not enjoy. However, it was an experience where positivity helped. It is not all over yet, as there could be a recurrence of this deadly disease, but this experience will hopefully stand me in good stead.

With excerpts from the writer's recently released book, 'No More a Civil Servant'. Views expressed are personal