Millennium Post

No home for narcissism

No home for narcissism
My boyfriend is always busy loving himself. Is he a narcissist? I'm deeply worried.
Geeta Chandran, New Delhi

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a long-term pattern of abnormal behaviour characterised by exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of understanding of others' feelings. As he is your boyfriend, you are the best judge to understand if he is the kind to be affected by NPD. Does every sentence that comes out of his mouth start with 'I'? Ideally he should care about what is going on with you, not just with him. He should also care about the world around him, not just himself. It is often not easy to put up with a person who is self-obsessed. Do what you think is right for you and take every step cautiously.

Though my fiancé is earning yet he is always broke. What to do?
Name unknown

Being broke is not a sin but in the case where you're paying for everything, it is sometimes frustrating and burdening. There might be times when as a couple you'll are low on cash. Lavish gifts and fancy dinners might be out of question. But, if he's supposedly dirt poor yet he expects you to pay for it all, he could be happy just being supported by you. I've seen it happen many times where a guy is very generous in the beginning; but once he's comfortable, he conveniently forgets his wallet every time the bill arrives. There's nothing wrong with treating him sometimes, but if he's unwilling to share the costs, it might get truly difficult. Converse and fix it before it gets worse.

When I was in 6th standard, I had flunked in class. I am appearing for my boards next year and my parents are extremely worried. They are constantly poking me and making me more nervous each day. What can I do?
Vickey, Delhi

Probably the past is the reason why they are getting extra hyper. They are concerned too. But, you need to focus on your studies and forget everything about the surrounding. Do you have earplugs/ earphones? Just use them. Don't let any external pressure pull your spirit down. We all have our lows and highs and it is just a matter of a few more months for situations to fall into place. Be patient, confident and concentrate on your exams. Don't argue with your parents, ignore peacefully.

My son is in 8th standard and is very scared to do maths. What can be done?
Tanvi Begum, New Delhi

Not everybody loves math. In fact, some people report tension, apprehension, and fear when faced with the need to perform mathematical tasks as a part of everyday life. Recently, scientists have begun to understand the differences in neural activity that may partially underlie math anxiety.

It may be more effective for parents to teach these students how to utilize their own inner controls to get rid of the math-anxiety response when it happens — before it has a chance to decrease actual math performance.

These individuals might not like doing math any more than before, but they might find themselves able to do it more successfully. Group mathematics fun lessons, a good home tutor and some helpful friends might help him overcome the obstacle effectively. Good luck!

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