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Managing your in-laws

Managing  your in-laws
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What are the warning signs of a future mother-in-law problems? I’m getting married in January and I am very nervous.
Nihaarika, New Delhi

Finding a way to get along with your husband's mother is crucial for the long-term success of your marriage. These are some signs to look out for: 

  Mother-in-law is insensitive, doesn't respect boundarie
  Mother-in-law is overly dependent on son for emotional and lifestyle support
  Partner clearly puts mother-in-law needs/requests ahead of yours
  Partner values mother's advice and opinions over yours
  Partner runs to mother when arguments occur
  Mother-in-law attacks your character
  Mother-in-law treats her son like he's still a child/competes with you
  During family gatherings, you're overlooked or ignored by mother-in-law
  Mother-in-law actively campaigns against your marriage

Please don’t worry much. I’m sure life will be good. All the best!

I started a business with all my savings but it failed. I’m utterly demotivated. What can I do now?
Rajendra Singh, 
Haryana

Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been.’ ~ John Greenleaf Whittier. The fact that you tried is a good start. Don’t make it personal. Separate the failure from your identity. Just because you haven’t found a successful way of doing something (yet) doesn’t mean you are a failure. Take stock, learn and adapt. Look at the failure analytically. Why did you fail? What might have produced a better outcome? Was the failure completely beyond your control? After gathering the facts, step back and ask yourself, what did I learn from this? Think about how you will apply this newfound insight going forward. Thomas Edison reportedly failed 10,000 times while he was inventing the light bulb. He was quoted as saying, “I have found 10,000 ways something won’t work. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.” Best wishes for future.

I love a guy madly. I help him with his exams and everything but he doesn’t care to love me. I know he has many girlfriends and I’m not a special girl to him. What should I do?
Divya, New Delhi
Relationships work best when they are based on equality. Relationships are stable when people are equally attracted to each other, hold similar feelings for each other, and demonstrate equal amounts of respect for each other. From your situation it is clear that you have feelings for a guy and it is not reciprocated. Allowing yourself to continue would hurt you further. Please restrict yourself and focus on spending time with people and activities that keep you happier. In a situation like this, any expectation will only lead more emotional instability in the long run. Let life be good for you and if he cares enough, he will be there. If not, just let it be. You deserve to be happy and always remember –  happiness begins with you!

I’m 31, the only son of my parents. I got married last year. My wife and my parents fight everyday! I don’t earn well enough to live separately and my wife is a housewife. What should I do?
A Ahmed, Noida
 This situation is always a tough and very sensitive. Handle it with utmost care so that you don’t hurt or break anyone’s heart. The best way to mend this is to relocate to a place very close to your original home. The financial constraint might be solved if your better half gets involved in some job, tuitions or small time business. Three adults cannot be tutored to live peacefully and if you don’t check the situation now, it might linger and take a bitter turn in near future. Try talking to your parents and wife separately or may be a group chat over a small family vacation might give some positive results too. In the meantime, prepare to start your family outside your parent’s shelter. Do face and solve the problems rather than neglecting it. This can’t be avoided for your own mental peace and the benefit of your relationships. Good luck!

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