Millennium Post

Let him make the first move

Let him make the first move
Roopsha Dasgoopta
I have been on some really bad blind dates. I don’t know how to excuse politely! Can you kindly guide?
Ravi Pratap, Chandigarh
Honesty is certainly the best path to choose. Tell your date you just do not feel the spark as anticipated. If you’re on a date and in half an hour you just know it’s not going to work out, don’t let it drag on. Let the person know how you’re feeling. If she’s a nice enough person, apologize and tell her that you’ve enjoyed the company, but that you simply don’t feel the chemistry. Don’t go into details in explaining why and how. If your date is being aggressive or arrogant, you may not be comfortable giving the facts. In this case, I suggest you tell your date that you’re not feeling well and vanish. I don’t advocate lying or excuses but it’s fair to excuse politely and later send a message.

My husband is getting very cold. Last 2 years or so he’s back from work very late and takes no interest in anything physical! We have a 7 year old and as a father he does his duty. As a husband he’s never there. What should I do?
Tarang, New Delhi
Did you try speaking to him? Don’t chase him but please ask him time and again, what the problem is. Sometimes work related stress leads to a fatigue that might affect your relationship. May be, there’s something that has changed in you over the years that is having a silent effect on him. There could be other reasons too. But, let’s be positive and try to fix it. Plan a vacation, preferably just the two of you. This will heal the situation and help bridhe the gap. Try to ignite the physical element as that really has a lot to do in the partnership. Be alert, sensitive and spend a lot of time chatting and being with him. Wish you good luck and I’m sure, soon the sun will shine again.
I have a friend and I know he loves me immensely but he never accepts it. He never proposed to me but gets jealous if I hang around with other guys. What could be this relationship and its future?
Jiah, New Delhi
Unfortunately, this is a very common situation and I really don’t know what’s holding your ‘friend’ back. One thing you can do is not be so ‘available’. My advice would be to start seeing other people and when he calls, occasionally tell him you’re busy or going out. Maybe that will snap him out of the ‘we’re just friends’ routine. The bottom line is - you need to take care of you. I would definitely let him make the first move. He’s scared of something and he has to deal with whatever that is before he would be ready for anything deeper.

I’m very stressed. My husband is very handsome. He is very popular with all the women at the club we go to. I feel horribly jealous. We are married for 3+ years and I still don’t know how to cope with this. Though he has never given me any reason to suspect anything, yet, I go mad.  Please help!
Name withheld, Lucknow
We meet attractive members of the opposite sex throughout our lives and being married is not a guarantee that attraction will not occur. To fret that each such meeting is more than a friendly encounter would be enough to drive one mad. It is your own insecurity which causes your misery. The answer to your feeling lies within your own beliefs about how lovable, how important, and how interesting you feel you are, with or without a career. The self-doubt you project onto your husband through your jealousy reflects your own flagging self-esteem. Do what it takes to build yourself back up to the confidence level you had when you fell in love.

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