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‘Don’t close your mind to love or commitment’

‘Don’t close your mind to love or commitment’
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I’m going through a divorce. I have had some casual one-night-stands. It seems I need sex but I cannot commit. Am I abnormal?
Tejas, Haryana

There is nothing abnormal in it! The body needs sex and that is normal. But, a marriage not working out shouldn’t change your perception towards the institution as a whole! Take time, live life on your own terms but don’t block your mind to love or commitment. Once bitten, it’s fine, don’t be forever shy!

My wife is having an affair with her boss. I have seen some personal Facebook interactions between the two. My wife tells me that she loves me but I can’t trust her anymore.
Rajesh, Madhya Pradesh

Be alert, but not overtly suspicious. Sometimes we read too much into things that can be avoided or taken casually. Do talk with your wife whenever you feel a pang of suspicion, but trust her as well. It could be just casual, friendly closeness with her boss and not a romantic relationship! Trust yourself and ensure you show your love and faith to her too.

My mother-in-law is very possessive about my husband, her only son. She hardly allows us to have any personal space. She gets upset if we plan trips or movies without her! This is annoying me a lot.
Reva, New Delhi

Speak to your husband about this. Be transparent and let him know your feelings about the small, little things that are worrying you. The situation is bound to improve if he takes a stand and explains things to his mother. Don’t let these unwanted pressure of in-laws seep into your marital life. Play intelligently and you will be the winner!

I live with my brother and his wife. One night I saw them having sex and since then I fantasise my ‘bhabi’ while masturbating. I feel guilty but can’t help it!
Tanveer, Uttar Pradesh

Well, it’s all in your mind and you have to control it! She is your ‘bhabi’ who is supposed to be your ‘sister’. Tell yourself everyday — this is wrong. If need be, start living separately. These attractions are fatal as it will break the trust between your brother and you! There are millions of faces, bodies to watch and fantasise about. Spare your brother’s wife please!

I lost my virginity when I was 15-year-old. I had sex with my cousin who lives in the UK. We stay in touch and he insists that I send him sexy, nude snaps! I’m extremely worried as he might reveal the secret to the family, if I don’t listen to him!
Name withheld, Punjab

What’s done cannot be undone! But, the ‘secret’ is a part of his life too! He surely will not risk his own reputation by doing something stupid. Don’t give into any pressure and don’t send any snaps/mails that might complicate things further. Just ignore him and his temptations completely and he will get the message loud and clear.

Have a love or life query you cannot find an answer to? Send your questions to - roopshashotm@gmail.com
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