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‘An affair is like an addiction’

‘An affair is like an  addiction’
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I am fed up of my marriage; it’s just not working out. I want to move out but just not sure about divorce!
Name unknown, Lucknow
Many people who say they want a divorce still have strong feelings for their partner, but due to an ongoing power struggle in the relationship, there is a lack of intimacy.

It is best to work on your relationship before deciding to divorce, otherwise your feelings of loss will overwhelm you and you may be worse off after the divorce than you are now. Sit back, relax.  May be you might get the direction but ultimately it is your decision. Do take enough time to analyze before jumping into any conclusion. Good luck!

My girlfriend is 10 years older than me. Is it a big deal? We want to get married.
Safraz, New Delhi
It is only a big deal when you allow yourself to believe so. There are many people out there that are married to mismatched age differences. 10 years is just enough to change the kind of music you both listen to and phases you experienced, but generally society and the way people are brought up do not change that drastically in 10 years. So chances are you will be more compatible than
you think.

People are always going to be quick to judge to make themselves feel better. But in the end, this is YOUR life and you should move about it and make decisions that will make YOU happy! :) Don’t let
the world’s taboos and stereotypes keep you from taking risks!

My wife is having an affair and she has left me. She never tells me the reason for this fallout. Can you help me identify. I’m very depressed.
V.S, Nagpur
We marry because we are in love, and we fall in love with those who meet our most important requirement - emotional need.  When the one we marry stops meeting those emotional need, we become vulnerable to others who are willing and able to meet them. If we let someone else meet our needs, we fall in love with that person, and an affair is off and running.

Once an affair begins, it is like an addiction. The same emotional attachment that drew you and your spouse into marriage is now directed to someone else.

So, time shall say the future. Don’t worry, all will happen for the best!

Send your questions to -  roopshashotm@gmail.com
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