Talking Shop: Lonely and bitter

“I used to think the worst

thing in life was to end up

alone. It’s not. The worst

thing is to be with people

who make you feel alone.”

—Robin WIlliams

Imagine how paradoxical and ironical it is that one of the most outstanding Hollywood comedy actors of all time, Robin Williams, experienced such depression, anxiety and paranoia in his personal life that in mid-2014—after being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease—he committed suicide at his home in Paradise Cay, California, at the age of 63. Take a look at his poignant quote above, which underscores the fact that even the most successful and celebrated personalities can inwardly be terribly alone and forlorn, a far cry from the glamour and glitter that surrounds superstars on the outside. Williams is not the only one who clutched at straws and then finally gave up. Our planet may be bursting at the seams with over 8 billion people now populating it and stretching all natural resources thin, but we are a lonely, unhappy planet.

Incredibly, a staggering 43 per cent of the world’s mammoth population feels lonely and is depressed; that’s a heartbreaking number, such a vast majority of the globe finding itself irreconcilable, and this includes the educated and highly eligible. Of all places, Sweden heads the list of the loneliest, with 47 per cent of its people feeling despondent, primarily because they live alone. The Swedes are followed by those in the United Kingdom, Japan, Italy, the United States, Canada, Russia, South Africa, Kenya and Brazil. India is not too far behind in this list, with 7 per cent of people surveyed admitting that they were ‘totally lonely’, while 21 per cent replied that they have ‘felt lonely more than a few times’ in the previous two weeks.

Root cause of the malaise

There must be some rather pressing reasons why over 3.5 billion of the world’s populace find themselves in a mental bind, and there are more than a few triggers. Relationships and togetherness is a primary trigger for loneliness, which is not just a private and individual issue. Unfavourable economic and financial situations, as well as the quantity and quality of social interactions, were also found to be key sparks. Losing a loved one, getting laid off at work or serious illness also increase the risk of depression. Get a load of this; intense social media use has also been associated with increased loneliness and depression, especially as online sites lack the intimacy and quality of offline interactions. Loneliness among young respondents is higher than the older ones as major life events have the tendency to disrupt social networks and make anyone susceptible to feeling lonely and all alone.

A common catalyst for increased global loneliness amongst all countries was the COVID-19 pandemic, which led to prolonged lockdowns and isolation, spreading an epidemic of despondency. Global loneliness figures more than doubled in the aftermath of the lockdowns, with thousands succumbing to the lack of social interaction and cohesion, many even committing suicide, especially in Europe and most tellingly in Japan.

The situation in Japan was so far gone that the Government actually followed in Great Britain’s footsteps and appointed its first Minister for Loneliness, ever. The minister in charge is also in charge of managing the nation’s falling birth rate and increased instances of suicides and child poverty. The ministry’s predominant brief is to address the issue of rising women’s suicide rates after the pandemic and to put forth a strategy to prevent social loneliness and isolation to protect ties between people.

Changing social fabric

Remember the days when we were growing up and would often face long power outages? Entire ‘mohallas’ (communities) would congregate on the streets and in playgrounds to spend hours chatting, playing and waiting the outage out. There was togetherness and bonhomie in those times; we then knew our neighbour’s names and not just their Twitter and Snapchat handles. The changing social fabric worldwide is an absolute absurdity; while the world has now turned into a Global Village and everyone is connected and makes midnight social media posts and all-day video calls, half of the people in the world find themselves alone and depressed.

Man has always been a social animal (as have women) and while we may today celebrate broadband connectivity, OTT sites and Artificial Intelligence, the lack of human interface has adversely impacted even the most battle-hardened of Internet surfers and social media nut-jobs. We all crave relationships, togetherness and even intimacy, and the falling frequency on all counts is knowingly or unknowingly having a debilitating impact on our mental well-being itself, as is evidenced by the rising cases of clinical depression and loneliness.

About the one saving grace, if it is indeed one, is that the trend of visiting shrinks and psychiatrists has not yet caught up in India, not at all as much as it has in the United States and parts of Europe, perhaps due to lack of awareness amongst those affected, as also the fear of social stigma and admonition. A recent study found that while approximately 150 million people in India need therapy for their mental health disorders, less than 30 million people actually seek help. That may not be very good news for practising psychiatrists in the country, but it is surely bad news for the 120 million who are quietly stewing in their own mental juices.

What can be done?

If we want to stem the rot before it gets worse, the world needs to start bonding with others, frequenting social gatherings more often, taking time out to meet family, friends and colleagues, and giving up its growing penchant for mobile phones and other connected devices. Exercising helps too, I am told, as does travelling and getting away from our always-connected offices. The moral of the story is to stay in touch with loved ones and not withdraw from life or jump head-first into social media. Eating right, drinking a lot of water and having a daily routine also helps bring back smiles into lives. Speaking of smiles, laughter is apparently a great medicine too. Some have even opted for piano and other lessons to divert their mind and stave off depression.

Let me share a quote from Jodi Picoult, which is quite profound: “If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” Clearly, it is happy relationships and a healthy lifestyle that make up the real solution; of course for that, we need to step up, take the time out and make the effort. Amen.

The writer is a veteran journalist and communications specialist. He can be reached on narayanrajeev2006@gmail.com. Views expressed are personal