Talking Shop: Life was once simple

“You’re young,” replied Athos,

“and your bitter recollections

have time to be changed into

sweet remembrances (still)...”

—The Three Musketeers

In creating the character D’Artagnan in his classic The Three Musketeers, the only folly committed by masterful author Alexandre Dumas was in staging the duel(s) between protagonist D’Artagnan and the musketeers—Athos, Porthos and Aramis. Those familiar with the story know that it was this non-duel that led to the four becoming friends; with love, deceit and remonstration following as it only could in then France, inevitably leading to beheadings, rebellion, protests and witch-hunts. Since we have spoken of adults and their mischief and misadventures, let’s make a mention of children too, who are today being put through the grinder globally. Closer home, though, childhood had thus far been peaceful and blessedly ordinary, even bucolic and serene, till…

Till we managed to reach today, when growing-up years are being torn asunder and all manner of evil and mishaps are dousing many, sending them scurrying away from the sparks that may kindle a macabre human fireball. The world has turned upside down and yesterday’s problems appear to be a cakewalk compared to today’s urgencies, with many of those growing up to find themselves in the vice-like grip of addiction and pregnancies, even committing suicides. Parents facing this, lost souls, are grappling with ways to counter the scourge; as much in a quandary over these events as over why they happened in the first place.

Yesterday was naughty and simple, fathers chime. Mine was too. For instance, the biggest headache my father faced in growing me up was when he learnt I was bunking school more often than I was not, and that despite turning 15, his son (me) preferred ‘gulab jamuns’ and cricket bats, not the fairer sex.

Numbers are chilling

All that has changed, dramatically and viciously. To get but a whiff of the extent of the blight, look at these statistics. We begin with the United States, (only) since such data is more professionally and conscientiously assimilated there. In 2016, 57,329 children faced sexual abuse or assault, one in nine girls and one in 20 boys under 18 years of age. The effect of the above incidents has been cascading and long-lasting (that’s why we used data from 2016, to see what is happening today). The number of 2016 victims experiencing mental health challenges in the US has quadrupled, with about four times more instances of drug abuse, four times more children experiencing PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and three times more experiencing depressive episodes.

On to a paragraph of ‘lests’… Lest we write off the above statistics as a phenomenon limited to Western countries, look at corresponding numbers in India, which are grave. Over 90 per cent of Indian children experience some form of abuse before they reach the age of 18 years. Of these, 53 per cent admit they have been abused by a parent, family member or school instructor. And lest we write this off as a trend kerbed in the lower echelons of society, we should know that children from India’s high-income families are four times more likely to experience physical violence.

There is one thing common to India and the US, though, and that is the incidence of suicide among children. Suicide is the fourth-leading cause of death among adolescent groups (15-19 years) in India and the US, with India’s National Crime Records Bureau reporting 10,730 adolescent suicides in 2021. The silver lining, if we want to be dark-cloudy and macabre, is that South Korea has the highest overall suicide rate of any country, with women and children beating every other nation to this redoubtable post (worse, the incidence of suicide by males in South Korea is higher still).

Childhood losing sheen

Why is it that today’s children are not following in my footsteps and focussing on gulab jamuns and cricket? Is it the doing of the fairer sex (or the darker, as gender may dictate)? Unfortunately, and bad jokes apart, no. With the number of affected children reaching alarming levels and climbing, in-depth studies have been conducted, most citing the same cause for the malaise—‘fast-paced digital lifestyles’, ‘addictions due to untoward experiences’, ‘mental health struggles’, ‘bullying and peer pressure’, ‘environmental concerns (read Climate Change)’, ‘high parental expectations’ and ‘safety concerns’. Adoption issues have also been raised, with many struggling through adolescence with serious identity issues and biological family tendencies. Other factors include socioeconomic status, geography and cultural background.

Of all the above, the most prevalent and innocuous, and the deadliest, is the excessive use of technology. Technology is a valuable tool and all-pervading, but inordinate screen-time, particularly when spent on social media and video games, leads to addiction, disrupts sleep patterns and hinders the development of crucial social and physical skills. Thus, it is time to blame tablets and the mobile phone. Peer pressure is a close second, with children facing increasing pressure to succeed in school and meet parental expectations. Youngsters are anyway bombarded with messages telling them to be perfect; added pressure only leads to anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.

What is the way out?

As with any problem, it is first important to acknowledge that you have one. Once that hurdle is crossed (and it is a big hurdle), start looking for solutions. In any child’s eyes, the problems he / she is facing are real and severe. Parents need to be aware of what kids are dealing with and help them, not by controlling or dictating, but by providing support and guidance—that’s a good first step. It is also time to acknowledge that parenting has limitations and, thus, we need to stop blaming parents for their children’s problematic behaviour.

A collaborative and multi-pronged approach is essential. Parents, educators, legislators and society must work in unison to ensure the well-being of children. This includes providing access to high-quality education, fostering safe and nurturing environments, and making mental healthcare available and accessible. Yes, even in India, we have reached the stage where seeking professional medical help for mental issues is not anathema or a strict taboo.

Remember what Marianne Williamson wrote in ‘A Return to Love’: “It takes more courage to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery, than choose (to take) the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.” Clearly, to judge parents harshly is cruel and unnecessary. What’s needed is a deeper and compassionate understanding of the complexity of childhood itself to avoid making parents feel worse, both about themselves and their kids. That would be a damn good place to start and stop. START the discussion for the child’s good future and STOP bickering over who or what went oh so wrong.

The writer is a veteran journalist and communications specialist. He can be reached on narayanrajeev2006@gmail.com. Views expressed are personal