Talking Shop: Dealing with pain

“Acceptance doesn’t mean

only resignation. It means

understanding that something

is what it is and that there’s

got to be a way through it.”

―Michael J. Fox

History shows us the heterogeneous ways in which humankind reacts to pain. While some get resigned and depressed, others can turn downright dangerous. In others still, there emerge emotions where people find un-tonsured reservoirs of resentment and anger, resorting to all manner of actions that detrimentally impact society, often triggered by feelings of long-term envy and animosity. In worst-case scenarios, people turn suicidal, even crusade against society and their supposed antagonists with the most barbaric acts. That’s because pain is largely subjective and markedly invisible, making it difficult for people to understand and give attention to. It is deadly as it cannot be seen and worse still, even when it gets terrible, most others do not understand what the afflicted is going through. The last instigates revulsion, angst and even more pain.

The last century alone has seen enough catalysts for anguish. Worldwide and at home, there have been evil cascades large and small that have brought pain and suffering. To name but a few, we have had World War I; The Plague; The Great Depression; World War II and the Auschwitz Concentration Camps; the partition in India; the Blue Star Operation at Amritsar’s Golden Temple; the Godhra riots; 9/11 in the United States; 26/11 in Mumbai; the Nirbhaya case; the COVID-19 pandemic and the resultant lockdowns and mass migration(s); the Haathras case; the ongoing mayhem in Manipur; an eroding economy, joblessness and financial travails; and, of course, the ravaging floods that have obliterated parts of India. It is a long list and has crafted a devious concoction of reversal and pain. Sadly, the list is not all-encompassing and these are only some burning examples.

Psychological reversals

If we talk of World War I, apart from the lives lost and homes rent asunder, it was still a dignified clash based on values. In sharp contrast was World War II, which saw Adolf Hitler and his allies ravage Europe and turn their wrath against Jews, creating medical experiment centres and concentration camps that mutilated and killed millions. Right in the midst of these two wars came the Great Depression, with even Americans from affluent communities being forced to live on welfare and Government handouts.

Imagine this, looking at the winding queues outside clothing and food distribution centres, the still well-off called the people on welfare ‘freeloaders’, without understanding the shame felt by most able-bodied citizens forced out of work and only able to survive through Government welfare programs and private charity. Regardless of class status, many families tried to hide their problems, acting as if they were doing well so that those around them would be fooled. People were humiliated, high-strung and many turned to thievery and rioting. Similar feelings surround those who are handed out free foodgrain in today’s India.

Through all of the calamities listed above, life changed dramatically in the 20th century and the transformation continues. Family roles have been muddled, with millions of males being deprived of their role as breadwinner. Even keeping families together during economic duress has been a tall task as people lost their homes and livelihoods. Some couples delayed weddings due to uncertainties, while others put off divorces because they could not afford to separate. For children, these calamities altered their role in the family order as they had to grow up faster, many forced to forgo formal schooling and get a job at an early age, often taking on parental roles to provide solace to those within their own families. Sometimes, tough times bring out the worst in humankind. Here’s how.

Worst in humankind

Let’s step closer home and look at the happenings in Kashmir and Punjab in the late 20th Century, or earlier, during India’s partition. Our neighbour’s shenanigans and the Army-led storming of the Golden Temple created a new creed of people called terrorists, separatists, insurgents, militants and what have you. Driven by hatred stemming from personal loss and/or misled by vested interests, this new vocation saw India experience almost all forms of terrorist attacks, such as hijacking and blowing up of aircraft; sabotaging of railway tracks; kidnapping prominent people for meeting political demands; suicide attacks; the assassination of two Prime Ministers; attacks on places of worship, transportation systems, security forces and financial hubs; communal riots followed by extreme violence; and attacks both by religious and non-religious terror groups.

In the process of new-found pain, domestic violence and child abuse also increased. Family disputes over finances, food and other necessities caused tempers to flare. Men and boys fled home out of embarrassment, frustration or the inability to cope with the new economic reality. Thousands became travelling hobos, riding the rails in search of work or some other form of relief. Men’s self-image took a beating when many arrived at work to find the doors locked. Families lost near and dear ones or were able to make ends meet only by having the women and children work, a situation that was oft-humiliating for the man. Studies have revealed that many unemployed men suffered from impotence and infertility. Historians state that birth rates have since been proportionate to joblessness.

Then we come to suicides, where extreme anguish leads to the ultimate step a human being can take—end their own life. Between 2020 and 2021, there was a 7.1-per cent increase in suicides in India. In 2021, 1.64 lakh people took their own lives, according to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB). The suicide rate jumped to 11.3 per cent in 2020 and was at a record high of 12 per cent in 2021. According to WHO estimates, India has the 41st-highest suicide rate globally, as of 2019.

Need to learn to cope

With coping mechanisms falling helter-skelter, people are finding lashing out at others the easiest way to manage stress, especially as envy, jealousy and lack of tolerance reach new zeniths. Thus it is that we now have increasing instances of resignation or acceptance, resentment and anger, depression and anxiety, suicidal tendencies, long-term animosity and a sentiment of debilitated self-belief. In large, society is self-imploding as comparisons and bitterness call the shots. The only way forward and out of this slithering into a labyrinth of ‘less than humaneness’ is to have interventions and dialogues before things get worse.

We laugh and scoff when we learn about the number of people visiting psychiatrists for help in Western countries; but then, it seems to be helping them somewhat. Perhaps, it could do some good in India too. We all need someone to talk to and vent. For that, we need to start caring for one another a little more. After all, we ourselves could be next to sink. Channelled right, pain can be good and we should not forget what Rumi said: “Don’t get lost in your pain, know that one day your pain will become your cure, for the cure for pain is in the pain.” After all, sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together. Let’s hope for the best and help each other out till things do knit themselves together again.

The writer is a veteran journalist and communications specialist. He can be reached on narayanrajeev2006@gmail.com. Views expressed are personal