Recognising the signs

Insecurities in a relationship can be difficult to pinpoint and acknowledge but if you want to lead a healthy and happy life, figuring out how to manage them is crucial

I'm 8 months pregnant and a mother of a 6 year old. I'm apprehensive about jealousy from my my elder one. Please guide.

Rekha Singh, New Delhi

Congratulations! I believe if there are benefits to having a new sibling, such as extra presents or special privileges, children are far less likely to feel resentment and jealousy. But if the closeness that they previously experienced is suddenly gone and they are told that 'now they are big' they have to behave differently while the new baby is the centre of attention, resentment will follow. Discuss the baby's arrival with the child, be curious about what the child is feeling and thinking and answer every question they have. Do give lots of cuddles and attention to ensure they feel part of this upcoming event.

We are married for 10 months. It was an arranged marriage and I fear my wife is in a relationship. She isn't accepting this and continues to be in touch with the guy. Should I allow her doing what she is doing or should I withdraw myself from the marriage before it gets dirty?

Mr. Banerjee, Kolkata

Sometimes we imagine things to be true only because we feel it is. The reality could be far away from the imagination. I suggest, you be a friend to her and ask her what she expects you to do in the given situation. Explain your fear, express your insecurity to her and give her a chance to express her point. You both need to be great friends for the marriage to work. With time the bond should become stronger and she should know that you understand and love her. Don't suspect her and make it worse. Let her know that you respect her decision and would support her. I strongly believe, she wouldn't let you down. Best wishes for a peaceful life ahead.

We are in a long distance relationship. He's working in Australia. Last month he visited me and we had an ugly fight. I love him and want us to be happy. Please help.

Kritika Kapoor, Noida

Some trips will be full of great memories and carefree times, and some will be full of fighting over big or small issues and that's a part of life. Don't lose heart and be upset. You need to work towards having a very strong, solid base to your relationship when you're long distance. Establish some ground rules about when you'll see each other. Call and text each other frequently and don't forget to schedule regular Skype/ video chat dates. You have to constantly remind yourself that the distance is for a short while and as you really want to be together, you have to make it work. Celebrate everything, even if you can't be together in person. Dream and plan the bigger picture and ensure to give all your efforts to make it work.

My father lives in UAE and is having an affair. He seldom comes home and our family is shattered. I'm a college student. Please suggest.

Ali, West Bengal

It must be really difficult for your mother and you, yet there is very little you can do. Try and have an open chat with your father and tell him the mental agony you are facing. If nothing is working then the best decision is to let him be. As a matured man he is aware of his duties and the effect of his decision. If he is unable to comprehend and acts selfish, it is really upsetting. Be your mother's strength and do whatever you can to take care of her. She needs you the most. Don't lose hope. Time and patience often yield the best results. Best wishes.

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